There is a folktale about Pinocchio, one that claims he never became a real boy, but instead grew up and became a wooden man.
One night, Pinocchio's girlfriend says to him, “This stinks. I love you Pinocchio, but every time we make love... I get splinters.”
So Pinocchio goes to Geppetto to ask his advice.
Geppetto says, "Sandpaper, my boy, that's all you need. Just be careful with it, don't injure yourself!"
A few days later Geppetto runs into Pinocchio and says, "So, my dear boy, how are you doing with the girls now?"
"Who needs girls?" says Pinocchio.