"There are many challenges to long distance running, but one of the greatest is the question of where to put one’s house keys."
Gabrielle Zevin
"Running won't solve all your problems. But then again, neither will housework."
Unknown
"Remember, the second most important thing to choosing the right shoe is choosing the left one."
Unknown
Step one to running a marathon: You run. There is no step two.
-Barney Stinson (How I Met Your Mother)
"Start slow, then taper off."
Walt Stack
"Run like hell and get the agony over with."
Clarence DeMar
"Run like there's a hot guy in front of you and a creepy one behind you."
Unknown
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back."
Franklin Jones
“I would sooner be prime minister of the moon than run another marathon. I’ve been really lucky. I didn’t have any toenails fall off or anything disgusting like that. I still have all three nipples.”
– Ryan Reynolds, actor
"No doubt a brain and some shoes are essential for marathon success. Although if it comes down to a choice, pick the shoes. More people finish marathons with no brains than with no shoes."
Don Kardong
"Good things come slow. Especially in distance running."
Bill Dellinger
"I believe that the good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a street."
Neil Armstrong
"Run like you stole something."
Unknown
"I run so my goals in life will continue to get bigger instead of my belly."
Bill Kirby
"Running makes me feel less like I want to kill people."
From a runner's T-shirt
"The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass."
Martin Mull
"A good run is like a cup of coffee. I'm much nicer after I've had one."
Unknown
"Finland has produced so many brilliant distance runners because back home it costs $2.50 a gallon for gas."
Esa Tikkannen
“Marathoners: Life is too easy. I must find a way to make it much much harder.”
-Glennon Doyle, best-selling author
"I love running cross country. On a track, I feel like a hamster."
Robin Williams
“Running a marathon takes balls, other sports just play with them.” – Unknown
"Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second."
William James
“I go running when I have to. Like when the ice cream truck is doing sixty.” – Wendy Liebman
"It's a hill. Get over it."
From a runner's T-shirt
"Act like a horse. Be dumb. Just run."
Jumbo Elliot
"It's rude to count people as you pass them. Out loud."
From an Adidas ad
"I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups."
Rita Rudner
"If God invented marathons to keep people from doing anything more stupid, the triathlon must have taken him completely by surprise."
P.Z. Pearce
"It's unnatural for people to run around the city streets unless they are thieves or victims. It makes people nervous to see someone running. I know that when I see someone running on my street, my instincts tell me to let the dog go after him."
Mike Royko
"It is true that speed kills. In distance running, it kills anyone who does not have it."
Brooks Johnson
"If you run 100 miles a week, you can eat anything you want. Why? Because (a) you'll burn all the calories you consume, (b) you deserve it, and (c) you'll be injured soon and back on a restricted diet anyway."
Don Kardong
"Run. Because zombies will eat the untrained ones first."
From the Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide
"If found on ground, please drag to finish line."
From a runner's T-shirt
"If you start to feel good during an ultra, don't worry, you will get over it."
Gene Thibeault
“Running: Cheaper than therapy.”
-seen on runner’s T-shirt
"Life is short. Running makes it seem longer."
Baron Hansen
"Runner's logic: I'm tired. Let me go for a run."
Unknown
"I don't believe in jogging. It extending your life, but by about the same amount of time you spend jogging."
Marshall Brickman
“Don’t be a jogger, they’re the one’s who find dead bodies.” – Amanda Brooks
"Jogging is very beneficial. It's good for your legs and your feet. It's also very good for the ground. It makes it feel needed."
Charles Schulz
“Oh yes I will work out today. I will work out a way to avoid running for a stupid cause.”
Stanley from The Office
"If you feel bad at 10 miles, you're in trouble. If you feel bad at 20 miles, you're normal. If you don't feel bad at 26 miles, you're abnormal."
Rob de Castella
"If the hill has its own name, then it's probably a pretty tough hill."
Marty Stern
"How do you know if someone ran a marathon? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you."
Jimmy Fallon
"Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television."
Victoria Wood
"Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet."
Unknown
"The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again."
Erma Bombeck
"Slow runners make fast runners look good. Thank you."
From the back of a T-shirt
"Your sweat is your fat crying. Keep it up."
From a runner's T-shirt
"I go running when I have to. Like when the ice cream truck is doing sixty."
Wendy Liebman