“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
"I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags."
- Guy Clark
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
"There are only two emotions on a plane: boredom and terror."
- Orson Welles
“I’ve had entire relationships that didn’t get as far as these airport security checkpoints.”
— Michael LeRoux
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
“How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to everyone?”
— George Roberts
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.”
- Gil Stern
“Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.”
— Meaghan O’Connell
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
"I have been to almost as many places as my luggage."
"I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories."
“There is nothing safer than flying, it’s crashing that is dangerous.”
- Theo Cowan
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”
- Gregory “Pappy” Boyington
"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
“Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
- Douglas Adams
“If you can walk away from a landing, it’s a good landing. If you can use the aircraft the next day, it’s an outstanding landing.”
- Chuck Yeager
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
“You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.”
– Paul Theroux