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Psychic Jokes

Bread Puns
What did the toast say to the psychic?
You bread my mind!
Crab Puns
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
One Liners and Short Jokes
Not to brag, but I have sychic powers.

For example, right now you’re thinking, “It’s psychic, you idiot.”
A cynical man wishes to a Genie that he would be a psychic.
The Genie nods and snaps his fingers, and the man is warped back to his home.

Eager to see if the Genie was telling the truth, the man tests his power on a friend. When he failed to make the right guess, he shouted in frustration.

"God. I KNEW this would happen!"
One Liners for Kids
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
A Frog Outta Luck
There's a frog who has a unique kink: He falls in love with human girls. Of course, no human girl will touch him. Desperate, he goes to a psychic. The psychic tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."  The frog becomes excited, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?"  "No," says the psychic, "in her biology class."
Cookie Puns
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
A Frog's Destiny
A male frog goes to a psychic and asks him when he will meet his one true love. The psychic tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog becomes excited, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" "No," says the psychic, "in her biology class."