Jokes > Crime & Prison Jokes

Crime and Prison Jokes

Jokes that either take place in a prison, are about prisoners or jokes about criminals or crime.

Farmer Comes to the Rescue
A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him. The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today." The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, "When do you have time to plough your land? At night?" "No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole."
Helping Dad With the FBI
An old man lived alone in the country. It was Spring and he wanted to dig his tomato garden, as he had done every year, but it was very hard work for the aging man as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was currently in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament: Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If only you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love Dad A few days later he received a letter from his son: Dear Dad, Not for nothing, but don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried my weapons. Love, Vinnie At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived at the old man's house and dug up the entire area. However, they didn't find any weapons, so they apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son. Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Vinnie
The Best Gunfighter Alive
This young Cowboy in the Old West wanted to be the best gunfighter alive. One night as he was sitting in a saloon, he spotted an old man who had the reputation of being the greatest gunfighter in his day. The young Cowboy walked up to the old man and told him his dream. The old man looked him up and down and said, "I have a suggestion that is sure to help." "Tell me, tell me!" said the young Cowboy. "Tie the bottom of your holster lower onto your leg." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" "Definitely." said the old man. The young Cowboy did what he was told and drew his gun and shot the bow tie off the piano player. "Wow, that really helped. Do you have any more suggestions?" "Yeah, if you cut a notch in the top of your holster where the hammer hits, the gun will come out smoother." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" "It sure will." said the old man. The young Cowboy did what he was told and drew his gun and shot a cufflink off the piano player. "This is really helping me. Is there anything else you can share with me?" "One more thing," said the old man. "get that can of axle grease over there in the corner and rub it all over your gun." The young Cowboy didn't hesitate but started putting the grease on the barrel of his gun. "No, the whole gun, handle and everything," said the old man. "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" "No," said the old man, "but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing that piano he's going to shove that gun up your butt, so it won't hurt as much!"
Jesus is Watching You
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables. And when he picked up a jewelry box to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying: "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. After just a few seconds, clear as a bell, he heard: "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot. "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" The burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" Suddenly, he felt a giant shadow materializing behind him. It was growling. "The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus." said the parrot.
I've Got a Surprise for You!
A young couple got married and went away on their honeymoon. After two weeks they came back and finally put away all of the presents they received from friends and family. Since this was a new home, the process took some time. A week later, they received two tickets in the mail for a popular show where tickets were impossible to get. They were very excited and warmed by the gesture of the person who sent this. Inside the envelope, however, was only a small piece of paper with a single line, "Guess who sent them." The pair had much fun trying to identify the donor but failed in the effort. They went to the theater and had a wonderful time. On their return home late at night, still trying to guess the identity of the unknown host, they found the house stripped of every article of value! And on the bare table in the dining room was a piece of paper on which was written in the same hand as the enclosure with the tickets: "Now you know!"
The English Prisoner
An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must cut it off." The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing." The German replied, "Yeah that will not be a problem." A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time." "Yeah, that will be done," says the German. The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before." The German replies, "Ok." Next day the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..." "NO!" Snapped the German. "We think you are trying to escape!"
The Surprise Return
A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but no body had been found. When giving the closing statement, his high-flying lawyer knew there was a good chance of him being convicted. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all,” said the lawyer. “Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom.” And she turned and pointed at the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. Finally the lawyer said, “Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty.” The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty. “But how?” inquired the lawyer. “You must have had some doubt - I saw all of you stare at the door!!” “Oh, we did." replied the jury foreman. "But your client didn’t.”
The Engineer, Physicist, & Mathematician
An engineer, physicist, and mathematician have been imprisoned. At some point, the warden realizes that the three men haven't been fed in a while. He accompanies an officer to check up on them. The warden and officer arrive at the first cell that contained the engineer. To their astonishment, the cell was empty and the wall had a hole in it. "How is that possible?" said the officer. "That wall was solid concrete!" The warden quietly inspected the cell. After a few minutes, he exited and said, "He seems to have built a pick out of the eating utensils we gave him and used it to make the hole." The warden and officer continued to the next cell that contained the physicist. However, he too was gone and once again there was a hole in the wall. And of course, the warden inspected the cell and returned after a few minutes. The warden declared, "According to the papers on his bed, he very carefully calculated the weakest point on the wall and repeatedly hit it with a rock until it broke open." Finally, they arrived at the last cell that contained the mathematician. Unfortunately, he lay dead on the cell floor from starvation. The officer sighed. "After the other two, I would have expected he would have also escaped. He also has some papers on his bed." The warden entered the cell and picked up the papers. Then he shook his head and chuckled. "It appears," the warden said, "that he spent several days writing a very detailed proof that it was possible to break the wall."
The Pirate and the Hook
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!" "What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine." The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before." "Well," says the pirate... "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really." "Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands." "Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really." "Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes." "Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them pooped in my eye." "So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird poop!" "Well," says the pirate sadly, "I wasn't really used to the hook yet..."
A Touching Encounter
Walking through a supermarket, a young woman noticed an old lady following him around. She ignored her for a while, but when she got to the checkout line, she got in front of him. “Pardon me,” she said. “I’m sorry if I’ve been staring, but you look just like my daughter who died recently. “I’m sorry for your loss,” the young woman replied. “Is there anything I can do for you?” “Well, as I’m leaving, could you just say ‘Goodbye, mother!?’ It would make me feel so much better.” She gave her a sweet smile. “Of course I can,” the young woman promised, touched. As she gathered her bags and left, she called out “Goodbye, mother!” just as she had requested, feeling good about her smile. Stepping up to the counter, she saw that her total was about $100 higher than it should be. “That amount is wrong,” she said. “I only have a few items!” “Oh, your mother said that you'd pay for her.” explained the clerk.
The Timing Issue
A few decades ago, three prisoners were sitting in a Soviet gulag. One of them asks the two others: "So, what did you do to be put in here?" The first one answers: "Well, I arrived late at the factory, and so they accused me of slowing down the Revolution and the victory of the Proletariat." The second one answers: "Well, I arrived early at the factory, and so they accused me of trying to be show up my comrades. Then they turn to the one who asked the question: "How about you, then?" "Well, I arrived at the factory right on time, so they accused me of having a watch from the West."
Don't Mess With Believers, Okay?
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.) The burglar stopped in his tracks, breathing hard. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you." "Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an ax and two 38's!"
The Prison Numbers
A man is sent to prison for the first time. The first night there, after the lights in the cell block are turned off, he immediately sees his cellmate going over to the bars and yelling, "twelve!" The whole cell block breaks out laughing. A few minutes later, somebody else in the cell block yells, "four!" Again, the whole cell block breaks out laughing. "Why are you guys just yelling numbers?" He asks his cellmate. "What's so funny about random numbers?" "Well," says the older prisoner, "They're not random. It's just that we've all been in this here prison for so long, we all know all the same jokes. So after a while we just started giving them numbers and yelling those numbers is enough to remind us of the joke instead of telling it." Wanting to fit in, the new prisoner walks up to the bars and yells, "SIX!" But instead of laughter, a dead silence falls on the cell block. He turns to the older prisoner, "What's wrong? Why didn't I get any laughs?" "You didn't tell it right."
Doctor's Friendly Advice
A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor goes over his history and does his physical, he discovers that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL sees no improvement. "Listen," says the doc, "I have migraines too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks." Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took our advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!" "Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help." "By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a REALLY nice house."
The Mugger and the Fighter
One night a man was walking back to his apartment when he was set upon by a masked robber. Although he wasn’t exactly a martial arts specialist, he immediately decided to fight back. With arms flailing about, the two men engaged in a fierce battle that saw them rolling about on the sidewalk in full view of passers-by, kicking and spitting and screaming in rage. Despite putting up a tremendous fight, the man was eventually overpowered by the robber and pinned down. He raised in hands in tired defeat, and the robber wearily turned him around and searched his pockets for the treasure he defended so strongly. He searched the man everywhere, but he found nothing more than a single quarter. “Hey man, did you put up such a crazy fight just for that?” asked the robber, gasping for breath. “You can't have it!” shouted the man. “You’re a crazy person, get lost,” said the bewildered robber. "Oh, you just want the quarter... I thought you were after the $5000 I've got in my shoe."
The Horse and the Chicken
A man faces a violation for adding horse meat to the chicken stew in his restaurant. At the court he’s asked why he did it and how much horse meat was in those stew. “For the money of course and I solemnly swear I always kept the ratio 50:50!” While the infraction caused many unhappy customers, upon seeing the man’s honesty the judge decides not to revoke his license. However he in turn must always advertise that horse is part of the ingredients. With a sigh of relief, the restaurant owner pays the fine and walks out of the court house with his wife and friend He friend asked him “Did you really put horse meat or did you add anything else with the chicken?” “Nope. Only horse meat and chicken”. “Now tell me the truth man, come on, it was mostly horse meat wasn’t it?” “Nope. It was always 50:50... one horse per one chicken.”
The Senility
An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married and settled down in their old neighborhood. To celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary, they walked down to their old school. There, they held hands as they found the desk they shared and where he'd carved "I love you, Sally". On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car practically at their feet. She quickly picked it up, but they didn't know what to do with it, so they took it home. There, she counted the money - it was $50,000! The husband said: "We've got to give it back". "Finders keepers!" his wife said, and put the money back in the bag and hid it up in their attic. The next day, two FBI men who were going from door-to-door in the neighborhood looking for the money showed up at their home. One knocked on the door and said: "Pardon me, but did either of you find any money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?" "No." She said. The husband said: "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic." She said: "Don't believe him, he's getting senile," but the agents sat the man down and began to question him. One said: "Tell us the story from the beginning." The old man said: "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday ..." At this, the FBI guy looked at his partner and said: "We're outta here!"
This Englishman's Wishes
An Englishman, a German, and a Frenchman were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze, when all of a sudden, Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for this terrible crime they were all sentenced to 50 whip lashes each. On the day of their punishment the Sheikh who was going to whip them announced: "It's my wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping." The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 20 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain. The Frenchman was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 35 lashes before the whip went through again and the Frenchman was soon led away whimpering loudly. The Englishman was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a part of the world I really like. For this, you may have two wishes!" "Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," the Englishman replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 50, but 100 lashes." "Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. Would you like pillows as well?" The Englishman smiled and said, "Nah, just tie the Frenchman and the German to my back."
No Way, Warden!
Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time. After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over. The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top, which he had promised his wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him. But, alas, Andy refused. "Gosh, I'd really like to help you..." He told the warden, "but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place!"
This Captain Knows How to Assign Blame
A merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after a big evening ashore. As they climbed the gangway the captain threw up all over himself. Pointing to an apprentice seaman above him he shouted: "Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting!" The following morning the captain was checking the log and saw that the young seaman had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why. "Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that he'd also soiled your pants."
Sherlock Holmes Goes Camping
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decided to go on a camping trip. After dinner, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his best friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." Also, looking at the stars, I think that the time is approximately a quarter past three in the morning." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell YOU, Holmes?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot... Someone stole our tent!"
The Cheeky Trio
A man walks into a a bar, drinks a couple of beers, and prepares to leave. The bartender tells him he owes $8. "But I already paid you. Don't you remember?" says the customer. "OK," says the bartender, "if you say you paid, then I suppose you did." The man goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid or not. The second man rushes in, orders a couple beers, and later pulls the same stunt. The barkeep replies, "OK, if you say you paid, then I suppose you did." The customer goes outside and tells a friend how to get free drinks. The third man hurries into the bar and begins to drink highballs. The bartender leans over and says, "You know, a funny thing happened tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid, and both claimed they had. The next guy who tries that stunt is going to get punched in the -- " The man interrupts, "Don't bother me with your troubles, bartender. Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."
Giving the Lord His Share
There once were two very successful thieves. They had a knack for finding unguarded entries to rich houses and robbing them of their gold.They were both, however, devout Catholics, and they knew the 10 commandments. So after deliberating the issue, they decided to go to the church with their loot to confess their sins to the Lord. After staring at the grim, seemingly judging faces of the saints surrounding them in the church, they further decided to offer some part of the gold they robbed to the church to wash away their wrongdoings. The only problem was they couldn't decide how much to offer. The first one thinks for a minute, then draws a foot long circle on the floor. He lifts his face up and says, "Oh lord, I'll throw all my loot into the air, whatever lands inside the circle is yours and what little is left outside I'll keep for myself." Saying this he threw all his loot up in the air. As it came down almost all of the gold fell outside the circle except for a few coins. He praises the Lord for his generosity and collects his share while smiling. The second one steps back and thinks hard. He lets out a deep sigh and says, "Oh lord! Forgive me for my sins. I won't make you pick up your share from the floor like my friend. I'll throw up all my loot towards you in the heavens. Please keep whatever you want and just throw back on to this earth whatever you think I deserve."
The Blond Bank Robber and the Three Stalls
Three bank robbers: a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde. Are trying to evade the police when they come across a farm. Being short on time and options, they all decide to hide in the barn. The redhead hides near the horses, the brunette hides near the cows and the blonde hides in a pile of potatoes. When the police come to search the barn, first they come to the horse stables. The redhead lets out a hefty "neeeyyyy", the cops are convinced that the horses are indeed alone, and the redhead escapes. The police then search the cow pens. The brunette saw what the first robber had done, and belts out a deep "mooooo". The cops are again convinced and the brunette is able to escape. The police finally turn to the stall where the Blond has hidden. The blond, seeing how easily the other two had gotten away, decides to use the same method. So as the police officers came close they suddenly hear: "Potato!"
The Potent Verse
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house! Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled, "STOP! Acts 2:38!" ("Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.") When the burglar heard this, he stopped dead in his tracks, blanched and raised two shaking hands. The woman quickly called the police and told them exactly what happened. They arrived minutes later with sirens blaring. Several officers strode in and took the unresisting man into custody. As he was placing the handcuffs on the burglar, one of the officers asked, "Why did you just stand there? All the lady did was mention a scripture verse." "Scripture? What scripture??" replied the confused burglar. "She said she had an axe and two 38s!"
10k Bullets
A man comes to see an incredibly successful assassin who was known to charge $10,000 per bullet. "Are you the guy who charges $10,000 a bullet?" He asks him. "Yup." "What if you miss?" The assassin looks at the man, very serious. "I don't miss," he hisses. "Okay, okay," says the man nervously. "Well, I've got $20,000. I just found out my wife has been having an affair with my best friend for years! They're at their usual motel right now." "Let's go," the assassin says. So they drive to a store across the street from the motel and climb up on the roof. The assassin takes out his rifle and attaches the scope. "They're in room 21. I want you to shoot her in the head, and I want you to blow his penis off." The assassin looks through his scope. He keeps staring for several minutes, not taking the shot. "Well? What are you waiting for!?" the husband asks impatiently. "Hold on a minute," said the assassin, "I might be able to save you $10k."
A Mysteriously Moving Car
This guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The night was roiling and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car coming towards him and stop. The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door - and only then realized that there's nobody behind the wheel! The car starts very slowly. The guy looks at the road and sees a curve coming his way. Scared, he starts to pray, begging for his life. He hasn't come out of shock when, just before the car hits the curve, a hand appears through the window and moves the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appears every time they are approaching a curve. Gathering strength, he gets out of the car and runs all the way to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he goes into a bar, asks for two shots of tequila, and starts telling everybody about the horrible experience he just went through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realize the guy was crying, but wasn't drunk. About half an hour later two guys walked in the same bar and one said to the other: "Look, Pepe, that's the נשדאשרג that got in the car while we were pushing it!"
Playing in Detroit
A coach for the Detroit Lions was looking for the perfect quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn’t find a quarterback who could ensure a Super Bowl win. Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Syria. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Syrian Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. KABOOM! He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY! Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph. BULLS-EYE! “I’ve got to get this guy!” The coach said to himself. “He has the perfect arm!” So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl. The young Syrian is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother. “Mom,” he says into the phone, “I just won the Super Bowl!” “I don’t want to talk to you,” the old Muslim woman says. “You deserted us. You are not my son!” “I don’t think you understand, Mother,” the young man pleads. “I’ve won the greatest sporting event in the world. I’m here among thousands of my adoring fans.” “No! Let me tell you!” his mother retorts. “At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn’t get raped!” The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, “I will never forgive you for making us move to Detroit!"
The KGB and the Rabbit
Years ago, the CIA, the Mossad and the KGB were tasked to find a rabbit in a dense forest as a friendly competition between agencies. The CIA, returns with a rabbit in 24 hours, explaining that they'd used an array of satellites pinpointing the location of the rabbit in record time. The Mossad returns with a rabbit in 48 hours, stating that they'd used a network of informants and ground operatives to locate the rabbit with a fraction of the cost. The KGB agents return after 5 days with a giant bear. Surprised and bemused, the other parties laugh and say to the KGB that they were supposed to bring back a rabbit! The KGB agents replied: "This is a rabbit, ask it for yourself if you don't believe us." As they all turn towards the bear. The bear glances at the KGB agents fearfully and says: "I'm a rabbit."
Rabbi, We Have a Problem!
Two Jewish men knock on Rabbi Levi's door. "What can I do for you gentlemen?" Said the Rabbi once he opened his door. They explain to him they have an argument and cannot resolve it. The Rabbi agrees to help them. "What is the argument about?" he asks. First Man: "Black is a color!" Second Man: "NO! it is not!" First Man: "It is a color!" Second Man: "Rabbi, is black a color?" "Well, sure..." Said the confused Rabbi. First Man: "See, I told you. And so is white!" Second Man: "White is not a color!" First Man: "Rabbi?" Rabbi: "Well, yes, white is a color." First Man: "See? I told you Moishe, I sold you a Color TV!"
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