If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
A whale swims all day, mainly eats fish and drinks water, but is still fat.
A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.
And you tell me to exercise? I don't think so.
Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:
• I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
• My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
• I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
• Some days, you're the top dog; some days you're the hydrant.
• It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
• If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
• I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
• Kids in the back-seat cause accidents.
• Accidents in the back-seat cause kids.
• It's not hard to meet expenses - they're everywhere.
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
• These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter - I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here, after".
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
• HAVE I SENT THIS MESSAGE TO YOU BEFORE???
Joke: Lights Go Out, Naughty Comes Out...
Four people are in a train compartment together when everything goes dark. An opportunistic poor man decides to capitalize on the opportunity...
Cheeky Joke: The Doctor and the Stutterer
Enjoy this funny joke about a guy who wanted his stutter removed...
Why Did the Dog Chase His Tail? Come Find Out!
Enjoy a most laughable collection of dog-themed riddles that are paw-sitive to make you smile!
Joke: Don't Drink and Jump
A man and a woman are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. The man soon makes a startling revelation...
These Hilarious Grammar Jokes are a Verbal Delight!
Do you enjoy a good pun? Somehow, they become even funnier when they're related to grammar. Here are 17 hilarious grammar jokes for you to enjoy.
The Funny Side of Having Too Much Technology...
It's crazy to think about how most of us have become attached to our cellphones, but there's a funny side to the whole thing. Take a look at these memes.
Hilarious! Quick, Your Majesty, Avoid Mr. Bean!
It's hard to imagine why the Queen would ever want to meet Mr. Bean. I mean, I know he's funny, but...she's the Queen! This will not end well!
Mark Twain Had a Lot to Say About Almost Everything
Mark Twain is one of the most famous writers in American history. He was known for his dark wit and humor, and his quotes still inspire people today.
You're Never Too Old To Have Fun! These Seniors Prove It
There may be some seniors who'd rather take life slowly. But others, do not want to waste a second having fun.
These 15 Bumper Stickers Are a Real Hoot!
There are some brilliant bumper stickers out there. Here are 15 that really made me honk my horn.
Some Animals are True Comedians...
Who knew wildlife could be this funny? Here are 13 of this year's funny wild animal award nominees.
In Need of a Good Laugh? Try These Cartoons!
Need a smile? Try this collection of goofy, silly and hilarious cartoons!
Sea Lions Aren’t as Cute and Clumsy as They May Seem
The incredible hunting skills and abilities of the sea lion
Hilarious: The Evil Grocery Store!
This is just the kind of pranks I like, and a very creative use of a grocery store!
The Most Embarrassing Things to Happen on Camera...
A funny compilation of people who are having their day ruined by unexpected events.
These Hilarious Pub Signs Are Enough to Tickle Your Fancy
When you're a pub landlord, it's always a challenge to get the customers through the door, but these 17 hilarious signs will show you how creative they can be.
Seniors Win: Teaching Some Drivers a Valuable Lesson!
You better learn some patience with dealing with these elders!
These Photos Are so Ironic You'll Howl with Laughter!
The pictures you're about to see are so permeated with irony that they are scarcely believable. Here are 29 of the most ironic pictures you'll ever see.
These Comics Prove a Single Panel Can Deliver Big Laughs
Enjoy this hilarious collection of single-panel comics by Adam Douglas Thompson.
Hilarious: Some Photos You Can Only Take in Africa...
A photo series of things you can only see in Africa.
20 Hilarious Comics Filled With Wit, Fun, and Humor!
These hilarious comic strips by legendary cartoonist Mark Parisi are guaranteed to make you chuckle.
These Wacky Road Signs Are Worth Stopping For
These bizarre signs will add some humor to your everyday commute.
These Dogs' Funny Faces Made Me Laugh My Socks Off!
It's the simplest things in life that make me laugh. Like these 23 brilliant photos of dogs chasing treats! Priceless.
Hilarious: When Timing and Comedy Team Up!
Comedy is all about timing and these photos are the perfect example for it!
75 Hilarious Family Jokes Perfect For Kids & Adults!
While some of us might enjoy humor that's a little dark or dirty, these children's jokes are perfect for kids and adults alike!
These Uproarious Cartoons Make Age a Hilarious Affair...
These comics show that the best way to deal with aging is to have good old laugh it!
Hilarious: The Truth About Vincent Van Gogh's Family...
Like most people, I'm very familiar with Vincent van Gogh's incredibly artistry, but I never realized how large his extended family was until I saw this post.
Who Knew Church Signs could be This Funny?
Churches seem to have found that addressing dwindling congregations can be achieved with a great sense of humor. Here are 14 hysterically funny US church signs.
I've Been to the Zoo, But I've Never Seen THIS
I would have given a lot to be at that zoo at that particular time. What a laugh!
Indecent Behavior: That's Not the Way to Conduct Yourself!
Waitresses see some shocking behavior from courting couples, but tonight's spectacle was extraordinarily indecent...
Hilarious: This Just May Be Why Building Codes Exist...
20 examples of the worst construction flaws, that will hopefully remind you to hire a professional next time.
These Talking Animal Cartoons Will Have You in Stitches
Ever wondered what animals are talking about? Well, thanks to these hilarious drawings by Jimmy Craig, your wondering can stop.
Newspaper Headlines Can Sometimes Be Ridiculously Funny
Sometimes newspaper headlines are just so bizarre that you are left scratching your head at what exactly happened.
Hilarious: These Hilarious Repairs Will Really Crack You Up!
Here are 14 hilarious repair fails that are bound to give you a good laugh!
These Funny Restaurant Signs Just Made Me Laugh Out Loud
Enjoy this collection of hilarious restaurant signs.
Hilarious: Some Guys REALLY Think Outside the Box...
Here are some of my favorite examples of male creativity at work.
This Hilarious Sign is Gaining Notoriety Around the World...
The Indian Hills Community Center sign in Colorado, USA, has gained a worldwide following thanks to the hilarious puns it displays. Here are 30 of them.
Funny Pics - The Most Outrageous Car Repair Jobs
These are the most outrageous car repair jobs you’ll ever see.
Food and Humor Collide in These Cheeky Restaurants
These restaurants have a cheeky sense of humor!
Winter Can Be CRAZY Sometimes - 16 Bizarre Pics
These chilly pictures show just how crazy and harsh winter can be.
Hilarious! These Kids REALLY Hate Shopping!
While loads of teenagers and adults simply love to shop till they drop, the same can't really be said for most kids, as these hilarious photos prove!
Three Sly Phone Scams That Could Cost You Big Time...
Phone scams are nothing new, but the way they are being executed now could catch you out when you least expect it. Here's what to look out for!
These Wine Jokes Are All in Good Taste...
I never knew there were so many funny things to say about wine...
Classic Comedy: The Wacky Adventures of Harold Lloyd
Enjoy this hilarious compilation of funny gags by the master of comedy, Harold Lloyd.
I Can't Stop Laughing at These Funny Husbands
Check out these 12 examples of husbands and boyfriends being absolutely hilarious.