If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
A whale swims all day, mainly eats fish and drinks water, but is still fat.
A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.
And you tell me to exercise? I don't think so.
Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:
• I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
• My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
• I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
• Some days, you're the top dog; some days you're the hydrant.
• It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
• If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
• I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
• Kids in the back-seat cause accidents.
• Accidents in the back-seat cause kids.
• It's not hard to meet expenses - they're everywhere.
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
• These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter - I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here, after".
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
• HAVE I SENT THIS MESSAGE TO YOU BEFORE???
Joke: When the Evangelicals Are On TV
When grandma and grandpa are watching the evangelical preacher on the TV, they try to heal themselves of their ills by touching it. It doesn't go so well...
Cheeky Joke: The Doctor and the Stutterer
Enjoy this funny joke about a guy who wanted his stutter removed...
This Joke Starts With an Elderly Couple At a Travel Agency
Two elderly people are spotted by a travel agent at his agency's window. He promptly invites them in and discusses sending them on a dream vacation...
Why Did the Dog Chase His Tail? Come Find Out!
Enjoy a most laughable collection of dog-themed riddles that are paw-sitive to make you smile!
Hilarious: Some Guys REALLY Think Outside the Box...
Here are some of my favorite examples of male creativity at work.
Hilarious: These Cheesy Puns Will Make You Giggle!
These cheesy puns will have your family and friends cringing first, and tittering with laughter second. Enjoy there 20 cheesy puns that are made to share.
This "Senior Prayer" Made Me Laugh My Butt Off!
A hilarious form of prayer by a senior who knows what she's talking about...
Nothing Captures Life's Absurdities Better Than a Cartoon..
Life is a bit of a puzzle these days, yet these hilarious comics seem to put the pieces back together!
Who Knew Church Signs could be This Funny?
Churches seem to have found that addressing dwindling congregations can be achieved with a great sense of humor. Here are 14 hysterically funny US church signs.
Classic Comedy: The Marx Brothers' Famous Mirror Scene
One of the most famous and adored comedy routines of all time performed by the talented Marx Brothers!
Hilarious Animal Encounters During Flights - 14 Pics
The funniest animal encounters on a plane.
Innovation or Insanity? 15 Bizarre Concepts
People leave you wondering where on Earth they got a certain idea that they had. These 16 photos really need to be seen to be believed.
Classic Comedy: Mrs. Brown and Her Naughty Situation (Rude)
We come back to our favorite foul mouthed lady in this hilarious sketch.This will definitely get you laughing!
Cats Vs Dogs: Who's in Charge? Adorable and Hilarious!
When it comes to cats vs dogs, who's the boss? Hilarious!
Classic Comedy: That's Not How You Use Glue, Mrs. Brown!
Mrs. Brown is one of the funniest characters to ever grace the television screen, and when she makes a sticky mistake, you won't stop laughing.
The 30 Craziest State Laws Are Just Too Funny For Words!
Check out 30 of the craziest laws that are still in effect in the US today!
Classic Comedy: Mr. Bean at the Library.
Another classic scene from the silent comedian who manages to make me laugh more than a dozen talking stand up artists.
You Will Crack Up Reading These One-Panel Cartoons!
Comic artist creates witty yet hilarious single-panel comics. Check out some of his best ones.
These Wacky Road Signs Are Worth Stopping For
These bizarre signs will add some humor to your everyday commute.
WATCH: 10 Funny Xmas Editions of 'Simon's Cat' All in One!
These hilarious cartoons from Simon's cat serve to remind us not to forget something really important: It's Christmas for our cats too!
Hilarious: Why You DON'T Send a Man to the Grocery Store
Sending a man grocery shopping - what could possibly go wrong?
These Animal Pick Up Lines Are a Hoot!
When it comes to pick up lines, the animal world provides some of the funniest! This collection of 70 animal pick up lines is gonna make you roar with laughter.
These Hilarious Cartoons are All About Senior Life
A huge collection of funny senior cartoons that reveal all about how life changes us as we grow older. Get ready to laugh your heart out!
15 Quirky Spanish Idioms That'll Brighten Your Day
Who doesn’t love a funny idiom? Today, let’s learn about some hilariously quirky Spanish idioms.
Read These Funny Night Quotes for Chuckles Before Bedtime
Read these funny night quotes for chuckles before bedtime.
Have You Ever Wondered What Animals Look Like Pregnant?
These animals really don't look too pleased with the current state that they're in! Here's what 22 animals look like just before they give birth.
19 Photos Proving That Sleeping Pets Is the Funniest Thing
Have you ever caught your pet in an awkward sleeping position? If so, you know these can be really hilarious!
HILARIOUS: 15 Times People Failed the Only Job They Had
The most hilarious examples of hilarious work fails.
Ridiculous But Mighty Cute: the Pumpkin Toadlet
Every now and again, nature makes a blip, and we discover quirky or funny species. Guess what this frog can't do.
19 Classical Art Memes Guaranteed to Leave You in Splits
People are turning classical art into hilarious memes, and we can’t stop laughing!
Never Make Fun of an Old Man, Because You Never Know...
This old man teaches young punks what it is to have experience! A great prank.
These Hilarious Pub Signs Are Enough to Tickle Your Fancy
When you're a pub landlord, it's always a challenge to get the customers through the door, but these 17 hilarious signs will show you how creative they can be.
These Funny Illustrations Show What Life Is Like With Kids!
Jim Benton is a cartoonist and illustrator who has managed to capture life with young kids perfectly. Take a look at his hilarious drawings.
Abbot and Costello Are At Their Finest in This Sketch!
This video is a great sketch by Abbot and Costello in which they fire witty line after witty line.
These Dry-humored Comic Strips Are Utterly Brilliant
If you've never seen Pie Comic by John McNamee before, then you need to take a look at this post. His comic strips are hilarious!
These Libraries Will Surprise You With Their Creativity
These libraries have spiced things up with creative twists from the funny librarians who run them.
20 Weird Pictures of Things That Happen Only In India
Things are a little different in India...
Funny Photos: You Had One Job!
These ridiculously funny work fail pictures will have you laughing all day.
Hilarious: How to Insult 7 Different Nations!
This kind woman is willing to help her boss with a difficult meeting, but her help isn't all it's cracked up to be...
Classic Comedy: The Wacky Adventures of Harold Lloyd
Enjoy this hilarious compilation of funny gags by the master of comedy, Harold Lloyd.
9 Mockumentaries That Had Us Rolling on the Floor
Explore the side-splitting world of mockumentaries.
Rodney Dangerfield, The Man of a Million One liners!
Here is a great compilation of some of his best lines and of course - his terrific delivery, Dangerfield style.
Simon's Cat: A Day in the Life of a Cat Owner
Being a cat owner really changes you as a person, only cat people understand this. But everyone will get the humor in this new extended Simon's Cat episode!
Translations Gone Wrong – 15 Hilarious Examples
These funny signs are proof that bad translations can have hilarious results.
Do You Have the Same Problems With YOUR Kids?
Almost as soon as they learn how to speak, your kids learn to speak back. First it's "no", then it's "I don't wanna" and soon enough they're closing the door to their room and listening to their terrible music. Well, at least you can take comfort in