If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
A whale swims all day, mainly eats fish and drinks water, but is still fat.
A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.
And you tell me to exercise? I don't think so.
Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:
• I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
• My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
• I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
• Some days, you're the top dog; some days you're the hydrant.
• It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
• If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
• I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
• Kids in the back-seat cause accidents.
• Accidents in the back-seat cause kids.
• It's not hard to meet expenses - they're everywhere.
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
• These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter - I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here, after".
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
• HAVE I SENT THIS MESSAGE TO YOU BEFORE???
These Hilarious Grammar Jokes are a Verbal Delight!
Do you enjoy a good pun? Somehow, they become even funnier when they're related to grammar. Here are 17 hilarious grammar jokes for you to enjoy.
This Joke Starts With an Elderly Couple At a Travel Agency
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Cheeky Joke: The Doctor and the Stutterer
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Joke: When the Evangelicals Are On TV
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This Hilarious Sign is Gaining Notoriety Around the World...
The Indian Hills Community Center sign in Colorado, USA, has gained a worldwide following thanks to the hilarious puns it displays. Here are 30 of them.
Nothing Captures Life's Absurdities Better Than a Cartoon..
Life is a bit of a puzzle these days, yet these hilarious comics seem to put the pieces back together!
These 'Genius' Repairs Will Make You Laugh Out Loud!
These photos prove that being an amateur engineer for a day may not work out as well as you'd like!
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From unapologetic puns about neutering pets to side-splitting two-liners about the differences between cats and dogs, get ready to laugh your head off!
Watch What Happens When Simon's Cat Gets Stuck in a Tree
What happens when Simon's Cat gets stuck in a tree? Hilarious!
The Best Husbands Have the Best Sense of Humor!
Married women will be able to related to these. You ask your husband to do one simply thing, and they take it as an excuse to goof off. See 10 hilarious pics.
Hilarious: We Can All Identify With These Signs!
El Arroyo restaurant is back to make you laugh with its hilarious collection of new funny signs.
Hilarious: 15 Witty Bar and Restaurant Signs
These bars and restaurants deserve a visit just for their funny signs.
These Dogs Clearly Overestimated Their Physical Abilities...
Watch the hilarious video collection of dogs who fail at being dogs.
Alaska Has Some Sights No Other Place Has...
Alaska is a special kind of place. Here are some hilarious photos that will prove to you - you're in Alaska, buddy! See for yourself.
Hilarious: Best of Terrible Strangers Pranks!
This prank compilation focuses on 'terrible people' and the weird things they do before you discover it's a prank!
Hey Dogs, Are You Gonna Take That From a CAT?
A side-splitting video compilation of mischievous felines, monopolizing the dog bed.
Hilarious Sketch: The Great Piano Concerto
This hilarious sketch by a classic comedy duo puts you in the middle of the worst execution of a concert imaginable.
Food and Humor Collide in These Cheeky Restaurants
These restaurants have a cheeky sense of humor!
Laugh Until You Howl: The WILDEST Animal Pranks
Have a roaring time with these howlarious wild animal pranks by Just for Laughs.
Hilarious: 16 Sarcastic Daily Affirmations!
Sometimes, being overly positive doesn’t help. But a little bit of humor does.
When This Young Comedian Steps on Stage, No One is Safe!
Ned Woodman, a 9-year-old comedian, may look cute, but when he steps on to the stage, all this changes. Check him out here!
Classic Comedy: The Grammar Nazi
This comedy sketch begins with a standard business meeting, but the boss has a real problem with people's language...
These Veterinarian Signs Made Me Laugh Out Loud!
Veterinarians have the most hilarious ways of looking at the crazy moments in your pets life and these signs are proof of that!
Mrs Brown Does a Hilarious Strip Tease - for the Vicar!
After being hypnotized the night before, Mrs Brown is unaware that she is still under the spell. The vicar is coming round for tea. What could go wrong?
Are You Old? You'll Know It If...
There is some debate about when you can actually be considered old. Let's make it real simple. If you find these funny, you are probably old...
Hilarious: 16 Absolutely Laugh-Worthy Construction Blunders
These construction fails will make you question everything.
Some Animals Just Weren't Meant to Be Pets...
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18 Terrible Sign Designs That Will Have You Bust a Gut
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10 Jokes That Are So Bad, They're Actually Funny!
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Hilarious: The Young vs. The Old on a Date!
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There really is no other place like Canada, and these pictures prove it.
Hilarious Birthday Bloopers Make the Best Belly Laughs
These hilarious birthday bloopers will have you laughing all day!
Not the Greatest Boy Scout - Hilarious!
A silly but hilarious prank the whole family will enjoy.
Hilarious! Mr. Bean Didn't Expect This at Art Class!
Mr. Bean takes an art class but never did he expect that he'd have to be drawing a naked woman...
12 Hilarious Photos of Dogs Letting Cats Boss Them Around
It's just so funny to watch cats and dogs interact with each other, especially when dogs are being bossed around by cats! See for yourself in these hilarious photos
Some Languages Are Humorous, But English Is Hilarious!
If you're a sucker for a good, honest, rib-tickling pun, we've got more than 20 of them here for you to giggle away at!
Funny Time: Get Your Giggles Going and Laugh Out Loud
16 Pictures that will make you giggle and guffaw like a hyena!
In Need of a Good Laugh? Try These Cartoons!
Need a smile? Try this collection of goofy, silly and hilarious cartoons!
Hilarious: How to Insult 7 Different Nations!
This kind woman is willing to help her boss with a difficult meeting, but her help isn't all it's cracked up to be...
Furry Scary: When Pets Left Their Owners Spooked!
Pets are adorable and make our lives better. Sometimes, though, they scare the living daylights out of us.
It’s Impossible NOT to Laugh at These 15 Hilarious Signs
It’s impossible NOT to laugh at these sidesplitting signs!
You Put My Food on a WHAT?! Pretentious Food Servings
Some chefs have gotten a bit too creative with their ideas for food presentation. These are some of the worst offenders.
Funny Signs Galore - We Can’t Stop Laughing!
It’s the perfect time to lighten the mood with a fresh batch of funnies!
When Two Old Ladies Sit Down and Make Us Laugh!
Hilarious and classic sketch from the Mrs. Brown classic show.
These Talking Animal Cartoons Will Have You in Stitches
Ever wondered what animals are talking about? Well, thanks to these hilarious drawings by Jimmy Craig, your wondering can stop.