If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
A whale swims all day, mainly eats fish and drinks water, but is still fat.
A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.
And you tell me to exercise? I don't think so.
Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:
• I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
• My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
• I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
• Some days, you're the top dog; some days you're the hydrant.
• It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
• If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
• I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
• Kids in the back-seat cause accidents.
• Accidents in the back-seat cause kids.
• It's not hard to meet expenses - they're everywhere.
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
• These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter - I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here, after".
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
• HAVE I SENT THIS MESSAGE TO YOU BEFORE???
Joke: Lights Go Out, Naughty Comes Out...
Four people are in a train compartment together when everything goes dark. An opportunistic poor man decides to capitalize on the opportunity...
Joke: Wedding Decisions
A bride and a groom are with a pastor finalizing details for their wedding day. The pastor asks them whether they want a traditional or contemporary wedding...
Why Did the Dog Chase His Tail? Come Find Out!
Enjoy a most laughable collection of dog-themed riddles that are paw-sitive to make you smile!
Joke: When the Evangelicals Are On TV
When grandma and grandpa are watching the evangelical preacher on the TV, they try to heal themselves of their ills by touching it. It doesn't go so well...
The Art of Comedy: A Hilarious Abbott & Costello Routine
Enjoy this rare vintage skit of the masters of comedy, Abbott & Costello.
Classic Comedy: Sure, I Can Play the Concerto!
In this classic skit, world famous conductor Andre Previn attempts to get Eric Morecambe to play Grieg's Piano Concerto. How will they get on?
How a Golden Retriever Stole the Show & Won My Heart!
Watch how one golden retriever takes the Finnish obedience show without hesitation.
These Uproarious Cartoons Make Age a Hilarious Affair...
These comics show that the best way to deal with aging is to have good old laugh it!
These Images of Pets Returning from the Vet Are Hilarious!
Here is a collection of funny images of pets that have just returned from the vet, and their expressions say it all!
These FUNNY Spring Jokes Will Blossom Your Mood!
Enjoy this hilarious collection of spring jokes and puns.
Animals Bring So Much Joy Into Our Lives - & Make Us Laugh
There's no doubt that animals bring great joy to many people, not least by making them laugh. Take a look at these 15 funny animals doing their thing.
Classic Comedy: Getting Rid of Whom?? (Adult Humor)
I can't stop laughing at this hilarious scene...
These Cat Tweets Will Give You Plenty to Laugh About!
Cats have been providing us with entertainment for as long as we have co-existed, and these cat tweets prove they’re still giving us plenty to laugh about!
Translations Gone Wrong – 15 Hilarious Examples
These funny signs are proof that bad translations can have hilarious results.
These Photos Will Leave You Doing a Double-Take!
There are some photos that will just leave you doing a double-take thanks to their perfect timing and odd composition. Take a look at these 18 surreal photos.
Have You Ever Read a Sign Or Notice and Thought... WHAT!?
Sometimes you see a sign or notice and you just have to do a double take. These 18 utterly hilarious spelling fails will have you laughing all day long!
20 Funny Quotes for All the Introverts Out There
Do you identify yourself as an introvert? Then you will relate to these hilarious quotes.
You Must See These Hilarious Airport Pick-Up Signs
Some people go a little overboard with their airport greetings.
Hilarious: English is a Seriously ODD Language...
If you thought English is a clear-cut and tidy language, you better read this.
Mr. Bean Never Expected a Round of Golf Like That...
Mr Bean decides to treat himself to a round of crazy golf. He starts off with a fantastic hole in one, but things start to take a turn for the worse…
We Can’t Stop Laughing At These Silly Signs
These are some of the most ridiculous signs we've come across.
You're Busted! Hilarious 'Crime' Gags
This compilation is so funny it should be illegal! ).
WATCH: Man Ditches "Pregnant" Wife In Hilarious Prank
A man pretends to ditch his "pregnant" wife for another woman in this hilarious prank. Watch the video to see the hilarious expressions on bystanders' faces.
These “Police Officers” Have a Great Sense of Humor
Police officers can have a great sense of humor too, as you will find out in this hilarious compilation.
This is What Happens When You Try and Fix it Yourself!
Have you ever tried fixing something yourself and failed miserably? Then you're going to love these photos...
These Driving Fails Will Have You in Fits
It's a wonder how these folks ever got their driving licenses, such is the ridiculousness of their actions. Here are 25 utterly hilarious driving fails.
These People Practice Professional Insanity. Hilarious.
A hilarious compilation of especially creative gags!
14 One Liners That You Can Use to Amuse!
14 one liners that will make any party a lot of fun and get everyone laughing.
My All-Time Favorite Broken-English Signs
English may be well-known but it's not always well-written. Here are some hilarious signs
Comedy Classics: Christmas Shopping With Mr. Bean
This Christmas, let’s go shopping with Mr. Bean.
Classic Comedy: Mr. Bean At the Restaurant
Watch and see what happens as Mr. Bean gets a taste of a raw Steak Tartare, and decides he doesn’t really like it…
Dogs vs. Their Greatest Enemy: The Bath...
Sorry, my dear canine buddies, you'll still need to take that bath!
The Wordplay in This Classic Comedy Sketch is Hilarious!
Nothing tickles me so much as wordplay. And this is my absolute favorite comedy classic sketch. See what happens when a customer asks for 'four candles.'
These Chatty Parrots Will Crack You Up!
Talking parrots provide their owners with many hilarious moments, especially when they are in a chatty mood...
22 Hilarious Reasons That'll Make You Love Cats More!
These hilarious photos of cats show them breaking the laws of physics.
These Cat Models Are Simply Hilarious!
These cats have chosen a modelling as their full-time careers...
HILARIOUS: The World’s Absolute Worst Bathroom Designs
Hilarious pictures of bad bathroom designs
If You Don't Laugh at These, You Are Irony-Deficient...
The Irony Is Strong in These Photos...
Hilarious: When Timing and Comedy Team Up!
Comedy is all about timing and these photos are the perfect example for it!
Funny Time: Get Your Giggles Going and Laugh Out Loud
16 Pictures that will make you giggle and guffaw like a hyena!
These One Liners Will Put a Smile on Your Face, Guaranteed!
A collection of crazy and unexpectedly hilarious jokes.