If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
A whale swims all day, mainly eats fish and drinks water, but is still fat.
A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.
And you tell me to exercise? I don't think so.
Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:
• I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
• My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
• I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
• Some days, you're the top dog; some days you're the hydrant.
• It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
• If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
• I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
• Kids in the back-seat cause accidents.
• Accidents in the back-seat cause kids.
• It's not hard to meet expenses - they're everywhere.
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
• These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter - I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here, after".
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
• HAVE I SENT THIS MESSAGE TO YOU BEFORE???
Cheeky Joke: The Doctor and the Stutterer
Enjoy this funny joke about a guy who wanted his stutter removed...
Joke: When the Evangelicals Are On TV
When grandma and grandpa are watching the evangelical preacher on the TV, they try to heal themselves of their ills by touching it. It doesn't go so well...
The Funny Facts of Life I Learned With Age...
The older you get, the more you realize what a funny thing life is.
Why Did the Dog Chase His Tail? Come Find Out!
Enjoy a most laughable collection of dog-themed riddles that are paw-sitive to make you smile!
These One Liners Will Put a Smile on Your Face, Guaranteed!
A collection of crazy and unexpectedly hilarious jokes.
How the Heck Did They End Up Writing THAT?
Here's a fresh dose of hilarious translation fails from different countries and languages!
The Funny Difference Between Male & Female Brains
If you're a man, or if you're a woman, you will probably find this video compilation utterly hilarious.
These Truly Outrageous Sights Can Only be Found in Russia!
If you're a huge fan of all things weird and wonderful, then there's no better place for you to visit than Russia. Here's why...
Hilarious: 15 Witty Bar and Restaurant Signs
These bars and restaurants deserve a visit just for their funny signs.
These Cats May Have Been Ninjas in a Past Life
Cats are talented when they put their mind to them, and this bunch seem to have developed some incredible skills!
Signs That Aren't Meant to Be Translated Except For Laughs!
These brilliant signs presumably have more accurate meanings when read in their own language, but in English, they're just hilarious!
Hilarious: 16 Times People Didn't Pay Attention...
If you ever doubted the fact that knowing English is important, these hilarious mistakes made on public signs will definitely change your mind once and for all!
These Photos Will Leave You Doing a Double-Take!
There are some photos that will just leave you doing a double-take thanks to their perfect timing and odd composition. Take a look at these 18 surreal photos.
Hilarious: 19 Times the Universe Decided to Be Ironic...
These photos capture the most brilliant comedic irony caught on camera!
These 15 Hilariously Naughty Pets Were Caught in the Act
These 15 hilarious pets were caught red-pawed and made to pay for their “crimes” by wearing signs of their wrongdoings.
How Did This Japanese Woman Teach Her Dog to Whisper?
You've probably heard dogs howl, bark, and growl, but have you ever seen a dog do this?
HILARIOUS: What Would You Do If You Saw This Happening?
What would you do if you saw a scene like this? It's hilarious to see how the people in this video react to what they see going on in front of them!
Here Are 14 of the World's Funniest Bumper Stickers
14 funny and clever bumper stickers that will brighten up your day.
Hilarity Ensues When This Ventriloquist Takes the Stage
Watch ventriloquist Jack Williams deliver an incredible audition in America's Got Talent with his puppet!
Hilarious: The Funniest Memes This Christmas!
These hilarious Christmas memes will make your holiday season that much better.
If You Have a Well Aged Sense of Humor, You'll Love This!
We've collected for you a series of the most funny senior cartoon pictures. I'm still laughing at these 'well aged' cartoons!
Over 100 Dad Jokes to Make You the Corniest!
Over 100 cringy dad jokes in several categories, including cheesy dad jokes, corny dad jokes, dumb dad jokes, dad jokes for adults, dirty dad jokes and more.
Classic Comedy: Mrs. Brown's Having a VERY Weird Day...
Mrs. Brown will give you a big grin with another hilarious scene.
Hilarious Birthday Bloopers Make the Best Belly Laughs
These hilarious birthday bloopers will have you laughing all day!
HILARIOUS: Are These People Fools or Geniuses?
Some people have a really creative way of fixing a problem, and I do mean REALLY creative...
15 Stupendously Meaningless Road Signs That Really Exist
Signs are meant to be visual aids, reminders that also serve as a guide. If you ever drove by these incredible road signs, would you know what to do? I wouldn't have a clue.
Hilarious: These Shop Names are Comedy Gold!
These 15 British shops incorporated hilarious references and puns in their storefronts that are guaranteed to make visitors and passers-by smile from ear to ear
No Matter My Age, a Funny Cartoon is a Funny Cartoon
These cartoons will make you laugh at any age.
These Lines are Bad Manners, But They're Funny!
We all wish we had the tenacity to be able to reply to someone being cheeky to us with the wittiest of comebacks. Here are 20 awesome rejoinders.
These Funny Photos Show Victorian Era in a Different Light!
Most images we see from the early days of photography are austere and often bleak. Yet these photographs show the reality. People were cheeky, funny and happy!
These Funny Hospital Photos Are Bound to Crack You Up
These hospital photos are bound to make you scream with laughter!
Hilarious Fortune Cookie Messages to Make You Laugh
Fortune cookies can be quite sassy sometimes!
I Love Laughing at Clever Cartoons, Don't You?
from religion to family to funny situations, you'll surely find something to raise that smile in these funny cartoons.
These “Police Officers” Have a Great Sense of Humor
Police officers can have a great sense of humor too, as you will find out in this hilarious compilation.
And the Award for the Worst Driver of the Year Goes To…
Car crashes aren’t supposed to be funny. So, why can’t we stop laughing at these ridiculous ones?
Nostalgic Comedy: Did Bert Forget Their Anniversary?
In this episode Molly thinks Bert forgot their anniversary.
14 Grocery Store Signs to Make Your Shopping Funnier!
Chuckle with this super collection of some of the wittiest and funniest signs found inside supermarkets.
Librarians Really Do Have a Unique Sense of Humor!
When librarians decide to make us all laugh, they tend to do it in style!
This Bird Compilation Will Have You Hooting with Laughter
When it comes to entertaining us humans, birds, as you're about to see, are just as good at is as cats and dogs are.
WARNING: These Signs Will Make You Howl with Laughter
Here, we present to you the best and funniest signs we've seen so far this year, enjoy!
HILARIOUS: The World’s Absolute Worst Bathroom Designs
Hilarious pictures of bad bathroom designs
This "Senior Prayer" Made Me Laugh My Butt Off!
A hilarious form of prayer by a senior who knows what she's talking about...
Need a Smile? These Hilarious Animals Will Bring It Out!
Simply put - there's no funnier comedy than animal comedy!
These Hilarious Signs Made Me Crack Right Up!
While not all of the 20 signs we’re about to show you intend to be funny, they definitely are!