If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
A whale swims all day, mainly eats fish and drinks water, but is still fat.
A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.
And you tell me to exercise? I don't think so.
Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:
• I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
• My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
• I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
• Some days, you're the top dog; some days you're the hydrant.
• It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
• If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
• I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
• Kids in the back-seat cause accidents.
• Accidents in the back-seat cause kids.
• It's not hard to meet expenses - they're everywhere.
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
• These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter - I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here, after".
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
• HAVE I SENT THIS MESSAGE TO YOU BEFORE???
Why Did the Dog Chase His Tail? Come Find Out!
Enjoy a most laughable collection of dog-themed riddles that are paw-sitive to make you smile!
Joke: When the Evangelicals Are On TV
When grandma and grandpa are watching the evangelical preacher on the TV, they try to heal themselves of their ills by touching it. It doesn't go so well...
Cheeky Joke: The Doctor and the Stutterer
Enjoy this funny joke about a guy who wanted his stutter removed...
This Hilarious Sign is Gaining Notoriety Around the World...
The Indian Hills Community Center sign in Colorado, USA, has gained a worldwide following thanks to the hilarious puns it displays. Here are 30 of them.
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Two elderly people are spotted by a travel agent at his agency's window. He promptly invites them in and discusses sending them on a dream vacation...
The Funny Side of Having Too Much Technology...
It's crazy to think about how most of us have become attached to our cellphones, but there's a funny side to the whole thing. Take a look at these memes.
These Witty Responses to Public Notices are Hilarious
Check out this collection of 15 petty notices along with their extremely hilarious responses!
Ready For Fun? Time for a Gag-Fest!
This gag collection is sure to put a smile on your face today. What's life without a bit of laughter?
The Doggy Salesman: This Prank Will Make You Laugh!
Just for laughs does it again with a doggy salesman that astounds all comers!
Why Men Should NOT Be Allowed in the Kitchen!
A perfect example of why some men are useless in the kitchen
Not the Greatest Boy Scout - Hilarious!
A silly but hilarious prank the whole family will enjoy.
Hilarious: The Young vs. The Old on a Date!
Dating when you're 20 versus when you're middle-aged is similar, but also completely different...
Simon's Cat Requires a Hilarious Visit to the Vet!
This Simon's Cat special is 12-minutes long and in full color! Watch this hilarious episode here.
These Funny Hospital Photos Are Bound to Crack You Up
These hospital photos are bound to make you scream with laughter!
Classic Comedy: The Wacky Adventures of Harold Lloyd
Enjoy this hilarious compilation of funny gags by the master of comedy, Harold Lloyd.
This 'Man Song' is a Complete Hoot!
Watch the legendary Milton singing 'The Man Song' by Sean Morey in this hilarious video.
16 Hilarious Panorama Fails That Are So Bad They're Good
Sometimes panoramic photos can turn out to be hilariously bad.
Watch These Funny Animals Get Into Mischief!
Watch this video compilation of animals and pets getting into funny situations.
Hilarious Birthday Bloopers Make the Best Belly Laughs
These hilarious birthday bloopers will have you laughing all day!
This Prank is Something Quite Magical!
A levitating woman is rudely interrupted by a kid... hilarious!
16 Hilariously Terrible Maps That Will Make You Laugh
We’ve shown you plenty of interesting maps in the past. Today, let’s explore some of the most ridiculously useless maps of the world!
Hilarious: The Real Dogs Behind the "Beware Dog" Signs
Here are 12 hilarious “Beware of the Dog” signs and the cuties behind those signs.
Hilarious Comedy: Don't Invite Mr. Bean to a Wedding...
Why on Earth did anyone think to invite Mr. Bean to the wedding? Well, frankly, I'm glad they did.
Classic Comedy: The Miracle of Birth!
This sketch puts a very funny light on the process of hospital birth. Thank goodness it isn't like this in real life... or is it?
These Illustrated Pet Confessions Just Got Me Laughing
These pet confessions show what your pets are really thinking about, with a great dose of humor!
Hilarious: The Funniest Memes This Christmas!
These hilarious Christmas memes will make your holiday season that much better.
Simon's Cat: A Day in the Life of a Cat Owner
Being a cat owner really changes you as a person, only cat people understand this. But everyone will get the humor in this new extended Simon's Cat episode!
These Hilarious Grammar Jokes are a Verbal Delight!
Do you enjoy a good pun? Somehow, they become even funnier when they're related to grammar. Here are 17 hilarious grammar jokes for you to enjoy.
These Birthday Quotes Will Make Your Loved Ones Smile
Here are some funny birthday quotes to remind you that your special day is worth celebrating and leaving a smile on your face.
Classic Comedy: Mr. Bean Takes the Train
Another great comedy jewel from Rowan Atkinson, this is uproariously funny scene.
These Comic Strips Are So Funny, You'll Ask for More!
Check out these hilarious one-frame funnies by artist Tyson Cole.
"Engrish" Can be a Confusing Language...
This series of English signs from around the world will make you laugh and wonder all at the same time.
Want a Laugh? Try These Witty Lines!
The best jokes and phrases are the ones that completely catch us off guard. Here are 14 very witty and unpredictable jokes and phrases.
These Dogs' Funny Faces Made Me Laugh My Socks Off!
It's the simplest things in life that make me laugh. Like these 23 brilliant photos of dogs chasing treats! Priceless.
These 18 Pictures Sum Up What It’s Like to Visit Canada
Just like any country in the world, Canada has its funny quirks. These are the funny things that make Canada special!
14 Halloween Decorations for People with a Sense of Humor
You've got to be impressed by these crazy Halloween decorations!
Only in Russia: 10 Hilarious Cars Transformed into Tanks
There is a new hilarious trend in Russia - turning your own car into a tank! Click here to see these funny creations!
HILARIOUS: The World’s Absolute Worst Bathroom Designs
Hilarious pictures of bad bathroom designs
Some Languages Are Humorous, But English Is Hilarious!
If you're a sucker for a good, honest, rib-tickling pun, we've got more than 20 of them here for you to giggle away at!
Classic Comedy: My Blackberry Is Broken!
This is one of our favorite comedy sketches of all times!
Hilarious: These Christmas Cartoons Made Me Laugh Out Lo
This is the best time of the year to laugh all together as a family with these Christmas funnies.
Mrs Brown Does a Hilarious Strip Tease - for the Vicar!
After being hypnotized the night before, Mrs Brown is unaware that she is still under the spell. The vicar is coming round for tea. What could go wrong?
Hilarious! This Is How Old Men Strip a Kitchen
The Swedes are known for some great cooking. But it seems it's not the men who deserve the praise. This is what they really get up to in the kitchen!