The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.
"Will you use it to gamble?"
"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"
"Are you NUTS!? I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."
The man replied: "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man who's given up drinking, gambling and golf looks like."
For more funny jokes scroll below!
This Joke Begins With a Wandering Eye...
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Joke: Come On, Honey...
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Joke: This Man Really Needed to Confess Something...
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Joke: Putting Your Private Part Right Is Gonna Cost
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Joke: Mom and Dad's New Wife
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Joke: Two Women Hit It Off In Arizona
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You've Got to Check Out This Very Funny Animal Compilation
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These Photos Could Only Have Been Taken In China...
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10 Jokes That Are So Bad, They're Actually Funny!
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Have You Ever Wondered What Animals Look Like Pregnant?
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Some Things Could Only Have Been Invented in Japan
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Hilarious: Quick, Mrs. Brown, Answer the Phone! (Rude)
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And the Award for the WEIRDEST Subway Passenger Goes To...
Riding the subway is worth it just to encounter these passengers.
Only Senior Citizens Can Relate to This Hilarious Advice
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Hilarious: When Timing and Comedy Team Up!
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To Date this Hilarious Father's Daughter, Here are the Rules
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Classic Comedy: Mrs. Brown's Having a VERY Weird Day...
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Who Knew Church Signs could be This Funny?
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Why Does This Man Pay to Get His Face Slapped?
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And the Award for the Worst Driver of the Year Goes To…
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Funny Jokes: And then the Fight Started...
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Mr. Bean: How Should One NOT Paint?
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I've Been to the Zoo, But I've Never Seen THIS
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These Work Safety Fails Will Make Your Hair Stand on End!
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These Guys Have Some WEIRD Choices in Christmas Sweaters!
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