One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him in the leg with the hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"
"Amen," replied the congregation.
For more funny jokes scroll below.
These Hilarious Grammar Jokes are a Verbal Delight!
Do you enjoy a good pun? Somehow, they become even funnier when they're related to grammar. Here are 17 hilarious grammar jokes for you to enjoy.
Cheeky Joke: Meeting the Parents
A biker just found himself the perfect Harley with a tube of Vaseline thrown in to protect it from the rain.Things start to go awry at his girlfriend's house...
These Dry-humored Comic Strips Are Utterly Brilliant
If you've never seen Pie Comic by John McNamee before, then you need to take a look at this post. His comic strips are hilarious!
Sometimes Lame Jokes Are Actually Quite Hilarious...
Sometimes what seems like a bad joke can actually be pretty hilarious in the right context, and here are 95 of such lame jokes.
Hilarious These Silly Signs Made Me Laugh!
19 funny signs that were written on purpose to be hilarious and witty.
Hilarious: How Cold IS IT?
Don’t like the chilly weather? Then you will relate to these hilarious winter memes.
These Hilarious Signs Were Totally Unnecessary
Here are 12 photos that really capture the silly side of humanity!
These Wedding Day Pranks Will Leave You Gasping For Air
Hilarious wedding pranks that are guaranteed to make you laugh.
What On Earth Were People Thinking When They Did This???
People can get things horribly wrong even when they only have one job. These 27 "you had one job" fails are utterly hilarious.
Laugh Until You Howl: The WILDEST Animal Pranks
Have a roaring time with these howlarious wild animal pranks by Just for Laughs.
Had a Bad Day? It Can Always Be Worse!
Forget about the bad day you think you're having - these poor folks got themselves into some serious fixes. Take a look at these hilarious photos.
You Wouldn't Believe These Things Happen at Hotels
These hotel fails are the funniest things you will see all day.
Here Are 14 of the World's Funniest Bumper Stickers
14 funny and clever bumper stickers that will brighten up your day.
Hilarious Comedy: Don't Invite Mr. Bean to a Wedding...
Why on Earth did anyone think to invite Mr. Bean to the wedding? Well, frankly, I'm glad they did.
Marriage Can Be Such a Funny Kind of Affair...
A few fascinating thoughts and quotes about the institute of marriage...
Hilarious: How Weirs is the English Language?
English is a really funny language, especially when considering how meanings can be changed when punctuation's omitted. Take a look at these 9 hysterical memes.
Hilarious: Don't Mess With This Little Girl!
When people passed by, they saw a very strange sight
These Funny Restaurant Signs Will Have You Guffawing
The iconic Tex-Mex restaurant, El Arroyo is back with some more hilariously clever signs.
I Love Reading These Funny Lines!
There's a grain of truth in every joke. And even as we laugh, the humor helps us remember some truths. Of course, sometimes a funny line... is just a funny line!
Mr. Bean: How Should One NOT Paint?
Our old friend Mr. Bean is the only one who can get into such a situation when all he needs to do is paint...
Hilarious These Silly Signs Made Me Laugh!
19 funny signs that were written on purpose to be hilarious and witty.
Add Humor to Your Bathroom With These Crazy Curtains
Add a touch of humor to your bathroom with these crazy shower curtains.
This May Be the Funniest Message I've Ever Heard...
This has to be the funniest hotline message ever recorded.
These Parents Have a Great Sense of Humor...
These parents have the best sense of humor about their daily struggles. So stay awhile and crack some smiles!
Hilarious: English is a Seriously ODD Language...
If you thought English is a clear-cut and tidy language, you better read this.
Only Senior Citizens Can Relate to This Hilarious Advice
If you're over the age of 60, you'll definitely be able to relate to these light-hearted statements.
Hilarious: This New Train Line Is Certainly a Hard Sell
This classic British comedy sketch captures everything that's great about British humor. Watch this poor rep pitch to an utterly clueless transport minister...
Classic Comedy: Lucy and the Chocolate Factory
One of the most famous, and funniest, Lucy moments of all time!
When Christmas Decorations Failed Miserably - Funny Pics
These people ruined Christmas with their hilariously bad decorations.
Signs That Aren't Meant to Be Translated Except For Laughs!
These brilliant signs presumably have more accurate meanings when read in their own language, but in English, they're just hilarious!
The Lighter Side of Love: 18 Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes
Love is a serious matter, but it’s good to have some humor about it sometimes.
Hilarious! These Kids REALLY Hate Shopping!
While loads of teenagers and adults simply love to shop till they drop, the same can't really be said for most kids, as these hilarious photos prove!
These Fortune Cookies Will Make You Howl With Laughter
Here you’ll find a selection of some of the funniest messages to ever be found inside fortune cookies.
HILARIOUS: What Would You Do If You Saw This Happening?
What would you do if you saw a scene like this? It's hilarious to see how the people in this video react to what they see going on in front of them!
These Hilarious Pictures Will Have You Laughing Out Loud
These photos will have you laughing out loud.
This Unforgettable & Hilarious Performance is One-of-a-Kind!
You don't see such effortless grace in comedy as with these two love birds anymore.
It's Not Fun Being Old, But Sometimes It's Funny...
Let me make your day with these photos that made almost made me spill my coffee this morning.
20 Weird and Terrifically Hilarious Signs…
These hilariously bizarre signs are just what we needed today.
I Love Laughing at Clever Cartoons, Don't You?
from religion to family to funny situations, you'll surely find something to raise that smile in these funny cartoons.
Hilarious: These Dogs Never Saw it Coming...
When these dogs get pranked, they can't believe it!
These Cartoons Prove That with Great Age Comes Great Humor
Laughter is the best way to deal with all the negatives that comes with old age. Therefore, we have compiled 11 funny senior cartoons for your amusement.
If I Can’t Hug Them, Then Why Are These Animals SO CUTE?
These are the last animals you’d think of as ‘cute,’ yet here they are, looking as silly and precious as our beloved pets.
Hilarious: These 20 Comic Strips Will Make You Chuckle
These comic strips created by Andres Colmenares also known as Wawawiwa comics, are too awesome to describe! Click here to check them out!
The People Behind These Funny Fails Are Beyond Reproach!
Some people simply should not be entrusted with construction or any kind of DIY work. The 15 photos you're about to see will show you exactly why!
Funny Stand Up: Can't Argue With Wife Post Surgery!
Jim Gaffigan in a funny stand up video about arguing with his wife after her brain surgery.