header print

25 Hilarious One-liners Perfect For Christmas

1. How can Santa deliver presents during a thunderstorm? His sleigh is flown by raindeer

2. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!

3. What did the stamp say to the Christmas card? Stick with me and we’ll go places!

4. Why don’t you ever see Santa in hospital? Because he has private elf care!

5. Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars? Their days are numbered!

6. What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

7. What did the beaver say to the Christmas tree? Nice gnawing you!

8. What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman

9. What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.

10. Who is Santa's favorite singer? Elf-is Presley.

11. What do the elves call it when Father Christmas claps his hands at the end of a play? Santapplause!

12. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing, it was on the house!

13. Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor? Because he had a low “elf” esteem!

14. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy!

15. How do snowmen get around? They ride an icicle!

16. What does Santa do when his elves misbehave? He gives them the sack!

17. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsilitis!

18. What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet? A mistle-toad!

19. Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? They always drop their needles!

20. How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit? No Brussels!

21. What would you call an elf who just has won the lottery? Welfy

22. What do you call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

23. How did the bauble get addicted to Christmas? He was hooked on trees his whole life.

24. Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? Because the present’s beneath them!

25. What’s the difference between Santa Clause and a knight? One slays a dragon, the other drags a sleigh!

 

Content sources: 1, 2 

Images by Deposit Photos

Sign Up Free
Did you mean:
By clicking "Join", you agree to our Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy
Sign Up Free
Did you mean:
By clicking "Join", you agree to our Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy