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Hilarious Jokes About Getting Older

 There's no joke like an old joke, and these are ALL jokes about being old. Everyone knows that seniors have the best sense of humor. They've seen a lot more than most, and they know that at the end of the day, there's nothing better than family, friends and laughter!
 
 
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied, 'Two years older than me.' 
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented. 
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?'
 
jokes about getting older
Reporters interviewed a 104-year-old woman. 
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked. 
'No peer pressure.'
jokes about getting older
I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair. She turned to me and asked, 'Are you having it catered'?  
And that, my friend, is the sad definition of 'OLD'!  
jokes about getting older
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. 
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
jokes about getting older
Know how to prevent sagging? 
Just eat until the wrinkles fill out.
jokes about getting older
 
I've sure gotten old!   
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, 
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes 
I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, 
take 40 different medications that 
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. 
Have bouts with dementia. 
Have poor circulation; 
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. 
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. 
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, 
I still have my driver's license!
jokes about getting older
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, 
so I got my doctor's permission to 
join a fitness club and start exercising. 
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. 
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, 
by the time I got my leotard on, the class was over.
jokes about getting older
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and 
told her preacher she had two final requests. 
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, 
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed. 
'Why Wal-Mart?' 
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says: 'For fast relief.'
jokes about getting older
THE SENILITY PRAYER: 
Grant me the senility to forget the people 
I never liked anyway, 
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and 
the eyesight to tell the difference.
jokes about getting older
Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!
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Related Topics: funny, hilarious, old, joke, old age
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