The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.
"Will you use it to gamble?"
"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"
"Are you NUTS!? I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."
The man replied: "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man who's given up drinking, gambling and golf looks like."
For more funny jokes scroll below!
Joke: The Fortune Teller and the Bad News
A sneaky woman decides to visit a fortune teller when she's in New Orleans
Joke: Mom and Dad's New Wife
When a husband's young new bride and his ex-wife are planning to wear the same dress on their wedding day, you know it's a recipe for disaster...
Joke: Doctor, What Are You Going to Do With My Husband?
A man's penis just starts to grow with no end to the growth in sight. He soon resorts to seeking out a urologist...
Joke: The Old Golf Partner
When a husband and wife are discussing golf, the husband is surprised at her suggestion of a golfing buddy for him. But he soon realizes she has a point...
Joke: Two Women Hit It Off In Arizona
A wise woman gets a lift from a younger woman while walking out in the Arizona desert. It isn't long before they get talking...
This Joke Starts With a Man Working Late
A businessman works late to be with his young secretary, but eventually makes his way home. He begins to think up his excuses...
These Veterinarian Signs Made Me Laugh Out Loud!
Veterinarians have the most hilarious ways of looking at the crazy moments in your pets life and these signs are proof of that!
Comedy Classics: Christmas Shopping With Mr. Bean
This Christmas, let’s go shopping with Mr. Bean.
These Images of Pets Returning from the Vet Are Hilarious!
Here is a collection of funny images of pets that have just returned from the vet, and their expressions say it all!
Hilarious: The Funniest Good Morning Quotes in History
Mornings aren’t for everyone. Here are some funny good morning quotes you will relate to.
This Rude Prank Will Have You Screaming With Laughter!
When the a gag team sets up a secret love affair between a priest and a couple of nuns, the resulting chaos that ensues will make you scream with laughter!
Hilarious: 16 Times People Didn't Pay Attention...
If you ever doubted the fact that knowing English is important, these hilarious mistakes made on public signs will definitely change your mind once and for all!
No Matter My Age, a Funny Cartoon is a Funny Cartoon
These cartoons will make you laugh at any age.
Hilarious: The Silliest Things in Life are FINALLY Explained
I have never seen more accurate and hilarious assessments of our daily lives, then these simple graphs.
Newspaper Headlines Can Sometimes Be Ridiculously Funny
Sometimes newspaper headlines are just so bizarre that you are left scratching your head at what exactly happened.
This Has Got to be the World's Funniest Orchestra!
This orchestra not only provides you with great music, but great laughs as well.
Classic Comedy: the Dirty Hungarian Phrasebook!
Monty Python in a hilarious sketch about miscommunication and relying on phrasebooks
Are You Old? You'll Know It If...
There is some debate about when you can actually be considered old. Let's make it real simple. If you find these funny, you are probably old...
All the Ladies Will Be Playing This Song Again & Again
This song celebrates the beauty and wisdom of older ladies in a hilarious way!
Classic Comedy: A Tennis Player's Breakfast
This sketch is all about how tennis players act on the court - and at breakfast!
Hilarious: Grammar is a Funny Subject!
These grammar jokes will have you on the floor they are so ridiculous!
These Inventors Thought Outside the Box! Hilarious
These creators came up with some pretty hilarious inventions.
These Hilarious Grammar Jokes are a Verbal Delight!
Do you enjoy a good pun? Somehow, they become even funnier when they're related to grammar. Here are 17 hilarious grammar jokes for you to enjoy.
15 Unbelievable Construction and Interior Design FAILS
You have to see these crazy design fails to believe that such monstrosities even exist!
20 Frighteningly Funny Signs to Watch Out For...
Some signs are so unintentionally funny that you can’t help but laugh out loud. Here’s a look at some of them.
These Wacky Road Signs Are Worth Stopping For
These bizarre signs will add some humor to your everyday commute.
Classic Comedy: Getting Rid of Whom?? (Adult Humor)
I can't stop laughing at this hilarious scene...
Hilarious: 15 Who Parked Terribly and Found Karma
Some people just don't know how to park a care, and some are just incredibly selfish. Here are the worst offenders.
Short Senior Jokes that'll Make You Crack Up!
Just because you're getting old, it doesn't mean that you have to stop laughing. Here are 25 short senior jokes that'll really tickle your fancy.
Classic Comedy: My Blackberry Is Broken!
This is one of our favorite comedy sketches of all times!
Hilarious! This Is How Old Men Strip a Kitchen
The Swedes are known for some great cooking. But it seems it's not the men who deserve the praise. This is what they really get up to in the kitchen!
These “Police Officers” Have a Great Sense of Humor
Police officers can have a great sense of humor too, as you will find out in this hilarious compilation.
Funny: Young People Don't Have Damn a Clue About Aging!
This hilarious stand-up bit really hits home on the subject of aging, and how young people really don't get it...
Classic Comedy: About the Importance of Stuff
One of the funniest and smartest comedy routines in history!
These Punny Illustrations Will Give You a Good Chuckle
Enjoy this collection of illustrated puns by artist Teo Zirinis.
These Pics Perfectly Show the Funny Side of Life in the UK
These weirdly hilarious pictures perfectly show the funny side of life in the UK.
These Funny Cartoons Are Guaranteed to Make You Smile
Enjoy this humorous collection of single-panel comics by Harry Bliss.
These 15 Hilariously Naughty Pets Were Caught in the Act
These 15 hilarious pets were caught red-pawed and made to pay for their “crimes” by wearing signs of their wrongdoings.
Hilarious! These Kids Should Have Never Been Left Alone
What do your grandchildren get up to when they are left alone? Find out here!
20 Hilarious Comics Filled With Wit, Fun, and Humor!
These hilarious comic strips by legendary cartoonist Mark Parisi are guaranteed to make you chuckle.
18 Advertising Fails That Are Too Funny To Ignore!
These hilariously bad ads may not convince you to buy the product, but they will surely succeed at cracking you up!
When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Funny Solutions!
Take a look at these 17 hilarious fixes and DIY projects and marvel at the creativity of the people who came up with them.
Hilarious: This is Why They Call Them "The Golden Years"!
Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional. Here are 37 funny pictures of seniors who decided to enjoy life to the fullest and not let concepts like “polite” and “decent” stop them!
These Are the Most Ridiculous Solutions I Have Ever Seen
How to solve your problems in the worst way...
These Funny Shop Signs Are Absolutely Outrageous!
These shop signs prove that many shopkeepers still have a healthy sense of humor!