The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.
"Will you use it to gamble?"
"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"
"Are you NUTS!? I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."
The man replied: "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man who's given up drinking, gambling and golf looks like."
For more funny jokes scroll below!
This Joke Starts With a Huge Family Waiting For a Bus
A blind man vies for a seat on a bus with a family with nine children. Inevitably, he and the husband do not make it on due to overcrowding. An argument ensues.
Funny: It's Not My Fault That You Didn't Use Them, Pal
When a husband and wife on a long car journey decide to stop overnight, little did they imagine the shock they were in for when receiving their bill...
Have You Heard This Joke? The Special Gift
A man gets into a wreck and severely burns his face. His wife is very generous and gives him a skin graft. Little does he know the pleasure she gets out of it..
Joke: It's Difficult to Fulfill a Dying Wish Sometimes
When a window visits an undertaker to see how preparations of her dead husband's body are going, she isn't happy with what she sees. A solution is proposed...
Joke: Two Women Hit It Off In Arizona
A wise woman gets a lift from a younger woman while walking out in the Arizona desert. It isn't long before they get talking...
Whoever Created These Funny Signs Deserves a Pay Raise!
These hilarious business signs will definitely tickle your funny bone.
Hilarious: When Cakes Go Wrong!
These 20 hilarious cakes are just not what the customers were asking for!
HILARIOUS: The Office Can Be a Funny Place!
Four short and funny jokes about office and business situations!
Every Species Has Its Comedians...
There's nothing better than animals to make us smile and laugh!
These Doormats Are Just Hilarious (16 Pics)
Amuse your guests with these ridiculously creative door mats.
You Won't Believe What This Little Old Lady Gets Up To...
This hilarious prank involves a sweet old lady pretending to deal drugs in large quantities in a public park...
The Empty Car Drive Through Prank!
Some people come up with the silliest pranks, but what do we care, we're the ones who get to laugh out loud at the bewilderment of these drive through workers, as a car driven by a ghost goes to collect its order...
Puns Make Me Smile, and These Made Me Laugh!
Some of these puns are pretty cheesy, but they'll make you feel grate!
The Hilarious Antics of These Birds Will Make You Chuckle
Birds can be mean at times, but hilarious at the same time. Check out some of the funniest bird antics in this post.
I Can't Stop Laughing at These Funny Husbands
Check out these 12 examples of husbands and boyfriends being absolutely hilarious.
These Amusing Animals Clearly Think They're People
If you thought our unique human traits set us apart from animals think again, because these pets clearly think they're human!
Simon's Cat Presents: A Day in the Life of a Cat!
This colored episode brings us a day in the life of Simon's Cat. Let's see what that looks like...
Dogs vs. Their Greatest Enemy: The Bath...
Sorry, my dear canine buddies, you'll still need to take that bath!
16 Hilarious Panorama Fails That Are So Bad They're Good
Sometimes panoramic photos can turn out to be hilariously bad.
Hysterical - Wild Animals Being Real Comedians!
Who said all wildlife photos had to be majestic and serious? You have to see these 18 hysterical wildlife moments!
Hilarious: The Young vs. The Old on a Date!
Dating when you're 20 versus when you're middle-aged is similar, but also completely different...
Hilarious! This Is How Old Men Strip a Kitchen
The Swedes are known for some great cooking. But it seems it's not the men who deserve the praise. This is what they really get up to in the kitchen!
Read These Funny Night Quotes for Chuckles Before Bedtime
Read these funny night quotes for chuckles before bedtime.
These Comics Prove a Single Panel Can Deliver Big Laughs
Enjoy this hilarious collection of single-panel comics by Adam Douglas Thompson.
Hilarious: 22 Witty and Clever Cartoons!
22 of the funniest New Yorker cartoons that are just clever enough to be funny but not mysteriously so.
Comedy Wildlife Photo Awards 2022: 16 Silly Winning Pics
The Comedy Wildlife Photo Awards are back! Here are the winning images from this year’s contest.
These Funny Shop Signs Are Absolutely Outrageous!
These shop signs prove that many shopkeepers still have a healthy sense of humor!
These Veterinarian Signs Made Me Laugh Out Loud!
Veterinarians have the most hilarious ways of looking at the crazy moments in your pets life and these signs are proof of that!
These Wacky Racoons Are Here to Make You Laugh Out Loud!
With all their quirky deviousness, craftiness, and charisma, these raccoons are here to steal your heart!
This Simon's Cat Collection is All You Need for Smile Today!
Created by Simon Tofield in 2008, Simon's Cat is on a constant mission to get fed. Enjoy this hilarious collection of 16 of his most famous escapades.
These Chatty Parrots Will Crack You Up!
Talking parrots provide their owners with many hilarious moments, especially when they are in a chatty mood...
Dad Jokes: A Hilarious Collection of Terrible Crack-Ups
These terrible dad jokes are guaranteed to tickle your funny bone.
This Amusing Prank Involves a Frying Pan...
This prank video starts with a pan falling from up high...
Here Are Some Funny New Year's Quotes to Make You Laugh
We want you to welcome 2023 with laughter. So, here are some hilarious News Year quotes for you.
Classic Comedy: Mr. Bean Takes the Train
Another great comedy jewel from Rowan Atkinson, this is uproariously funny scene.
In Need of a Good Laugh? Check Out These Signs
Some shopkeepers have a hilarious sense of humor. Read these funny signs here!
Hilarious: The Evil Grocery Store!
This is just the kind of pranks I like, and a very creative use of a grocery store!
Hilarious: What Would Our Pets Write In Their Diary?
We all know there are major differences between dogs and cats, but it was only after we found their secret diaries that we really understood how deep a difference it is...
This is Definitely the Funniest Song About Flight Discounts!
If something looks too good to be true, it usually is. So these ladies decided to write a hilarious song to warn us all!
The Funny Side of Having Too Much Technology...
It's crazy to think about how most of us have become attached to our cellphones, but there's a funny side to the whole thing. Take a look at these memes.
And the Award for the Worst Driver of the Year Goes To…
Car crashes aren’t supposed to be funny. So, why can’t we stop laughing at these ridiculous ones?