The woman thought about this, but decided she wanted the bird anyway. She took it home, hung the parrot's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters returned from school. The bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls." The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation.
Moments later, the woman's husband came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "New house, new madam, new girls - old clients!"
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, "The parrot on the left costs $500."
"Why does the parrot cost so much?" asks the customer. The owner says, "Well, the parrot knows how to do legal research."
The customer then asks about the next parrot, to be told that this one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to write a brief that will win any case.
Naturally, the increasingly startled customer asks about the third parrot, to be told that it costs $4,000. Needless to say, this aroused the question, "What can it do?" To which the owner replies, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner."
There was once a magician on a cruise ship who performed mainly sleight-of-hand tricks. He had a regular spot on the ship's cabaret evening entertainment. He was actually quite a good magician, but his routines were regularly ruined by the onboard parrot who would fly around squawking out and giving away his secrets like:
"IT'S UP HIS SLEEVE, IT'S UP HIS SLEEVE!" or
"IT'S IN HIS POCKET, IT'S IN HIS POCKET!" or
"IT'S IN HIS MOUTH, IT'S IN HIS MOUTH!"
The magician was getting pretty sick of this and threatened to kill the parrot if it ruined his act one more time. That evening right at the climax of his act, just as he was about to disappear in a puff of smoke, the ship hit an iceberg and sank in seconds.
Amazingly, the magician and the parrot were the only two survivors. The magician was lying on a piece of driftwood in a daze. As he opened his eyes he could see the parrot staring at him out of its beady little eye.
The parrot sat there for hours just staring at him and eventually said, "OK, I give up, what did you do with the ship?"
Scroll below for more funny jokes!
A Man Visits a Brothel With Ulterior Motives (Funny)
When a man visits a brothel and asks for the most expensive girl in there on consecutive days, people start to suspect that he's up to something...
This Joke Starts With a Lawyer Impressing a Client
When a hotshot Jamaican lawyer tries to make a big impression on who he thinks is his first client, things soon start to go awry...
This Joke Starts With a Chinese Doctor Opening a Clinic
A Chinese doctor has a little difficulty opening a clinic in the US, so he takes matters into his own hands. He comes up with a rather novel business model...
Joke: Some People Are Just Never Happy in Life!
Sometimes in life, you just can't get it right in the eyes of people. That's why you really shouldn't try to please everyone...
Joke: Two Prostitutes and Their Sign
Two prostitutes get pulled over by a police officer because of their rude sign...
In Need of a Good Laugh? Check Out These Signs
Some shopkeepers have a hilarious sense of humor. Read these funny signs here!
Excuse Me, But Are These Signs for REAL?!?
Who comes up with these hilarious ideas and useless ideas for signs?
Hilarious Signs: This Ice Cream Shop Cracked Me Up!
This collection of 12 hilarious signs will give you a taste of an excellent sense of humor!
Hilarious! Buying a Bed Takes Some Thought...(RUDE)
When an attractive customer needs convincing about a certain bed, the salesman can't believe his luck!
20 One-Frame Funnies That Will Make You Laugh
This New Yorker cartoonist's works are full of wit and humor.
Funny: Wedding Days Aren't Supposed to Go Like This...
These weddings didn't quite go quite as planned...they'll crack you up!
Laugh Until You Cry with Mr. Bean's Ridiculous Antics
Enjoy 600 seconds of the most hilarious Mr. Bean moments that will leave you in stitches.
17 Hilarious Quotes That Sum Up the Quirks of Traveling
Explore the world of humor through these funny travel quotes.
Sweet Irony: Hilarious Photos of Ironic Situations!
Sometimes, the world just gives us some hilarious moments of perfect irony!
Hilariously Funny DIY Fixes (16 Pics)
These hilarious pictures show some of the most unique DIY botch-jobs.
The Empty Car Drive Through Prank!
Some people come up with the silliest pranks, but what do we care, we're the ones who get to laugh out loud at the bewilderment of these drive through workers, as a car driven by a ghost goes to collect its order...
Hilarious: 22 Witty and Clever Cartoons!
22 of the funniest New Yorker cartoons that are just clever enough to be funny but not mysteriously so.
These Fortune Cookies Will Make You Howl With Laughter
Here you’ll find a selection of some of the funniest messages to ever be found inside fortune cookies.
HILARIOUS - 15 Witty Comics About Everyday Objects
Time for another hilarious collection of single-panel comics.
Hilarious! This Is How Old Men Strip a Kitchen
The Swedes are known for some great cooking. But it seems it's not the men who deserve the praise. This is what they really get up to in the kitchen!
Hilarious: Cats are Some of the Funniest Creatures
Prepare for a foray into the delightful absurdity of living with cats.
Who Said God Isn't Funny? These Church Signs are Hilarious!
Although churches are houses of worship, that doesn't mean to say that they can't have a sense of humor! These amazing signs are evidence of that.
Hilarious: I Can't Believe People Can Really Carry This Much
These guys have taken overload to the next level. How on earth can they carry this much?
These Funny Restaurant Signs Just Made Me Laugh Out Loud
Enjoy this collection of hilarious restaurant signs.
How the Heck Did They End Up Writing THAT?
Here's a fresh dose of hilarious translation fails from different countries and languages!
Arrest These Designers! 20 Cases of Design Faux Pas
From ashtrays labelled with 'No Smoking' signs to lemons that can supposedly produce orange juice, you've got to see these 20 hilarious design fails!
This Demonstration Went Really Wrong. LOL.
These people just didn't know their own strength!
Hilarious: When Signs Think You're an Idiot
A collection of signs, articles, manuals and more that are completely obvious and pointless...
20 Terrible Translations That'll Make You Laugh!
Check out these 20 outrageously terrible translations that will make you laugh your head off!
75 Hilarious Family Jokes Perfect For Kids & Adults!
While some of us might enjoy humor that's a little dark or dirty, these children's jokes are perfect for kids and adults alike!
These Cat Tweets Will Give You Plenty to Laugh About!
Cats have been providing us with entertainment for as long as we have co-existed, and these cat tweets prove they’re still giving us plenty to laugh about!
These Senior Cartoons Will Make Anyone Laugh Out Loud
A collection of 20 hilarious comic strips and funny cartoons about aging.
Classic Comedy: A Tennis Player's Breakfast
This sketch is all about how tennis players act on the court - and at breakfast!
Short Senior Jokes that'll Make You Crack Up!
Just because you're getting old, it doesn't mean that you have to stop laughing. Here are 25 short senior jokes that'll really tickle your fancy.
Classic Comedy: Mrs. Brown's Having a VERY Weird Day...
Mrs. Brown will give you a big grin with another hilarious scene.
To Date this Hilarious Father's Daughter, Here are the Rules
While dads may be glad to see their daughter in love, when it comes to fathers and daughters, there are some hard line rules that NO suitor should cross!
These Brilliant Comic Strips Reveal Winter's Funny Side...
These comics perfectly portray the funny side of winter, and you'll find that many of the ideas they present are painfully true!
Hilarious: This Company is Run Exclusively By Dogs...
What would a company look like if it were run by adorable dogs? Well it might be pretty hysterical...
Hilarious Improv: Dear Wife, I'm Writing You This Letter...
These two improv performers are only allowed to say one word at a time. Following a suggestion from the audience.
Classic Comedy: That's Not How You Use Glue, Mrs. Brown!
Mrs. Brown is one of the funniest characters to ever grace the television screen, and when she makes a sticky mistake, you won't stop laughing.
These Wacky Road Signs Are Worth Stopping For
These bizarre signs will add some humor to your everyday commute.
20 Hilarious Road Signs You'll Only Ever See in Australia
The land down under has a language of its own as you can see by these signs that are equal parts strange and hysterical
This Rude Prank Will Have You Screaming With Laughter!
When the a gag team sets up a secret love affair between a priest and a couple of nuns, the resulting chaos that ensues will make you scream with laughter!
It's Impossible Not to Laugh At These Funny Signs!
Who doesn't love a funny sign? This collection will leave you grinning from ear to ear.
Hilarious: Don't Mess With This Little Girl!
When people passed by, they saw a very strange sight