The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.
"Will you use it to gamble?"
"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"
"Are you NUTS!? I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."
The man replied: "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man who's given up drinking, gambling and golf looks like."
For more funny jokes scroll below!
This Joke Starts With a Man On His Deathbed
A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his wife and four children. Three are tall and athletic, but the fourth... isn't. He asks his wife about them...
Joke: The Old Golf Partner
When a husband and wife are discussing golf, the husband is surprised at her suggestion of a golfing buddy for him. But he soon realizes she has a point...
Joke: It's Difficult to Fulfill a Dying Wish Sometimes
When a window visits an undertaker to see how preparations of her dead husband's body are going, she isn't happy with what she sees. A solution is proposed...
This Joke Begins With a Wandering Eye...
A woman loses her glass eye when she sneezes. A man is quick to catch it. She subsequently invites him over for dinner and they have a wonderful evening...
This Joke Starts With a Huge Family Waiting For a Bus
A blind man vies for a seat on a bus with a family with nine children. Inevitably, he and the husband do not make it on due to overcrowding. An argument ensues.
Joke: A Thieving Old Lady Finds Herself Facing a Judge
An old lady finds herself in front of a judge after stealing a can of peaches. He immediately hands down a sentence for her wicked deed...
Watch Your Favorite Animal Videos in One Funny Compilation
From a horse doing yoga, to a dog singing, watch these hilarious pet videos.
I've Been to the Zoo, But I've Never Seen THIS
I would have given a lot to be at that zoo at that particular time. What a laugh!
Hilarious: When It's Just Not Your Day...
These photos show spectacularly awful things that can happen to anyone. Let’s hope there was someone to give them a big hug afterwards.
Can You Watch This Entire Video Without Laughing?
From guilty dogs, to funny cat fails, monkeys, funny squirrels, horses and so on. Take a look at this hilarious compilation:
These Witty Rejoinders Just Gave Me a Sardonic Smile
These zingers come from the mischievous mouths of history's most loved celebrities. Prepare to laugh.
HILARIOUS: These Warning Signs are NOT Doing Their Job...
These warning signs are not doing their job well, are they?
These Fortune Cookies Will Make You Howl With Laughter
Here you’ll find a selection of some of the funniest messages to ever be found inside fortune cookies.
This is a Song All Mothers Should Hear. Hilarious!
This beautiful and hilarious song should be sung by all mothers everywhere.
Do You Have the Same Problems With YOUR Kids?
Almost as soon as they learn how to speak, your kids learn to speak back. First it's "no", then it's "I don't wanna" and soon enough they're closing the door to their room and listening to their terrible music. Well, at least you can take comfort in
These Rude 'Chinese' Proverbs Got Me Laughing
Ok, so they may not really be Chinese, but they are certainly funny!
These 14 Photos Were Taken Just a Moment Before Disaster
These perfectly timed photos are hysterically funny!
These Funny Hospital Photos Are Bound to Crack You Up
These hospital photos are bound to make you scream with laughter!
The Ridiculous Shenanigans of Laurel and Hardy
Laurel and Hardy never fail to make us laugh.
The Signs at This Gas Station Made the Entire World Laugh!
Surely enough, these hilarious signs will have you laughing for hours!
The Famous Sketch that Made Millions Laugh!
Monty Python performed loads of hilarious sketches, but only this one gets me out of my chair and secretly practicing my own silly walks!
HILARIOUS: Some People Have Unusual Solutions
Ingenious solutions to ordinary problems that will make you laugh.
Hilarious! Meet the World's Strongest Teenage Girl
If you're looking for something to brighten up your day, then this brilliant prank from the Just For Laughs group is just what you need!
The 30 Craziest State Laws Are Just Too Funny For Words!
Check out 30 of the craziest laws that are still in effect in the US today!
20 Hilarious Road Signs You'll Only Ever See in Australia
The land down under has a language of its own as you can see by these signs that are equal parts strange and hysterical
These Dogs Clearly Overestimated Their Physical Abilities...
Watch the hilarious video collection of dogs who fail at being dogs.
15 Hilarious Photobombing Moments That Will Make You Laugh
Sometimes, a photobomb can result in some incredibly hilarious moments.
Hilarious: Who Needs a Truck When You Can Have a Motorcycle
Although motorcycles were designed to transport a couple of people, some around the world have found more... innovative (and hilarious) ways of using them.
Hilarious: Some Guys REALLY Think Outside the Box...
Here are some of my favorite examples of male creativity at work.
These Funny Quotes Will Inspire You With a Smile
Let these humorous quotes about life put a smile on your face.
Uproarious: Please Don't Sit Next to Me, Mr. Bean!
Mr. Bean is back, and this time he's on a plane trying to cheer up a young boy who is feeling a little sick. The results are of course hilarious!
FUNNY: 51 "Chinese" Proverbs the Chinese Never Thought About
These proverbs aren't really Chinese, but they're still really funny! In fact we're willing to bet they'll make you laugh out loud! Enjoy!
Furry Scary: When Pets Left Their Owners Spooked!
Pets are adorable and make our lives better. Sometimes, though, they scare the living daylights out of us.
I Can't Stop Laughing at These Bizarre Signs!
These are the most ludicrous and unnecessary signs I have ever seen in my life. Laugh at the bonkers things we are told to do by these ubiquitous notices.
Collection: The Most Hilarious and Bizarre Signs
his wonderful collection will make you laugh out loud as we present you with some of the funniest signs you've ever seen!
If You Don't Laugh at These, You Are Irony-Deficient...
The Irony Is Strong in These Photos...
Short Senior Jokes that'll Make You Crack Up!
Just because you're getting old, it doesn't mean that you have to stop laughing. Here are 25 short senior jokes that'll really tickle your fancy.
These Hilarious Cartoons are All About Senior Life
A huge collection of funny senior cartoons that reveal all about how life changes us as we grow older. Get ready to laugh your heart out!
You'll Never Guess How THIS Video Ends...
This hilarious short film won countless awards and endless praise.
In the Mood for a Good Laugh? Take a Look at These Photos
From a deer being interviewed to a waterproof laptop, this list has got it all!
These Lines are Bad Manners, But They're Funny!
We all wish we had the tenacity to be able to reply to someone being cheeky to us with the wittiest of comebacks. Here are 20 awesome rejoinders.
Stand-up Comedy: What Men Really Think of Their Marriage
Marriage is certainly a blessing we all appreciate. But that doesn't mean we can't have a good laugh about it! This portrayal is cynical, but deadly funny!
14 Cat Fails That Definitely Won't Fail to Make You Laugh
If you're searching for pictures of cats who have immediately regretted their poor choices, you need look no further. Check out these hilarious cat fails.
I Dare You Not to Laugh at These Silly Signs
Who on earth put these pointless signs all over our streets?!