The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.
"Will you use it to gamble?"
"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"
"Are you NUTS!? I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."
The man replied: "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man who's given up drinking, gambling and golf looks like."
For more funny jokes scroll below!
Joke: The Old Golf Partner
When a husband and wife are discussing golf, the husband is surprised at her suggestion of a golfing buddy for him. But he soon realizes she has a point...
This Joke Starts With a Man On His Deathbed
A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his wife and four children. Three are tall and athletic, but the fourth... isn't. He asks his wife about them...
Joke: A Thieving Old Lady Finds Herself Facing a Judge
An old lady finds herself in front of a judge after stealing a can of peaches. He immediately hands down a sentence for her wicked deed...
Joke: Doctor, What Are You Going to Do With My Husband?
A man's penis just starts to grow with no end to the growth in sight. He soon resorts to seeking out a urologist...
Have You Heard This Joke? The Special Gift
A man gets into a wreck and severely burns his face. His wife is very generous and gives him a skin graft. Little does he know the pleasure she gets out of it..
This Joke Begins With a Wandering Eye...
A woman loses her glass eye when she sneezes. A man is quick to catch it. She subsequently invites him over for dinner and they have a wonderful evening...
Hilarious: 15 Who Parked Terribly and Found Karma
Some people just don't know how to park a care, and some are just incredibly selfish. Here are the worst offenders.
These Funny One-Liners Are Utterly Hilarious
These monsters are out to make you giggle. They've got no less than 20 one-liners to share with you, and we bet you'll be in fits of laughter in no time.
20 Frighteningly Funny Signs to Watch Out For...
Some signs are so unintentionally funny that you can’t help but laugh out loud. Here’s a look at some of them.
These “Police Officers” Have a Great Sense of Humor
Police officers can have a great sense of humor too, as you will find out in this hilarious compilation.
These Cat Tweets Will Give You Plenty to Laugh About!
Cats have been providing us with entertainment for as long as we have co-existed, and these cat tweets prove they’re still giving us plenty to laugh about!
Hilarious! Mr Bean Wreaks Havoc at the School Open Day
Whether he's in the art gallery, at a calligraphy demonstration, or even in the science lab, nobody is safe when Mr. Bean is around!
15 Reasons Japan Can Be a Really Funny Place
The Japanese people are probably the funniest in the world ... well certainly the most eccentric. Here 15 photos will prove it to you.
15 Adorable Cats & Dogs Keeping Cool in the Heat
These adorable pets know how to stay cool when the weather gets warm.
These Uproarious Cartoons Make Age a Hilarious Affair...
These comics show that the best way to deal with aging is to have good old laugh it!
Hilariously Adorable: Cutest Babies Fighting With Siblings
These baby fights will have you laughing and smiling.
Have You Ever Wondered What Animals Look Like Pregnant?
These animals really don't look too pleased with the current state that they're in! Here's what 22 animals look like just before they give birth.
Hilarious: You've Got a Lot of Explaining to Do, Mister!
This may be the most brilliant, funniest prank I've ever seen.
These Photos Prove Dogs Are The FUNNIEST Pets In Existence
Whether they're caught trying to steal a snack or desperately resisting bath time, dogs never fail to put a smile on our faces. Check out these funny dog moments!
These Have to Be the Most Oddly Specific Signs Ever Made
Laugh out loud at these hilariously specific signs that will leave you wondering who exactly they were made for.
Classic Comedy: What's Your Name?
A classic skit from the ground-breaking British sketch show 'A Bit of Fry and Laurie', starring Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie
When Funny Signs Meet Epic Fails, Hilarity Ensues...
These funny signs, tags, and maps show just how much the people responsible for creating them had failed, and it's absolutely hilarious!
The Funny Difference Between Male & Female Brains
If you're a man, or if you're a woman, you will probably find this video compilation utterly hilarious.
Hilarious These Silly Signs Made Me Laugh!
19 funny signs that were written on purpose to be hilarious and witty.
This Prank is Something Quite Magical!
A levitating woman is rudely interrupted by a kid... hilarious!
Food and Humor Collide in These Cheeky Restaurants
These restaurants have a cheeky sense of humor!
When it Comes to Comedy, Twins Have an Unfair Advantage...
Just for Laughs is at it again, this time with the best twin pranks around.
Classic Comedy: Lucy and the Chocolate Factory
One of the most famous, and funniest, Lucy moments of all time!
Hilarious: Who Needs a Truck When You Can Have a Motorcycle
Although motorcycles were designed to transport a couple of people, some around the world have found more... innovative (and hilarious) ways of using them.
Mrs Brown Does a Hilarious Strip Tease - for the Vicar!
After being hypnotized the night before, Mrs Brown is unaware that she is still under the spell. The vicar is coming round for tea. What could go wrong?
13 Hilarious Protest Signs That'll Make You Laugh!
Some people like to think that holding up signs will achieve something, but others go to protests for a laugh. Here are 13 funny examples.
20 Hilarious Road Signs You'll Only Ever See in Australia
The land down under has a language of its own as you can see by these signs that are equal parts strange and hysterical
HILARIOUS - 15 Witty Comics About Everyday Objects
Time for another hilarious collection of single-panel comics.
This Amusing Prank Involves a Frying Pan...
This prank video starts with a pan falling from up high...
These Coffee Shop Customers Couldn't Believe Their Eyes...
This gag is going to make you wonder: Why aren't they gagging??
HILARIOUS: 15 Dogs that are Having a Really Funny Day
New dog toys are hilariously giving dogs a shiny new smile that will crack you up.
Hilarious: What Would Our Pets Write In Their Diary?
We all know there are major differences between dogs and cats, but it was only after we found their secret diaries that we really understood how deep a difference it is...
Watch These Funny Animals Get Into Mischief!
Watch this video compilation of animals and pets getting into funny situations.
Rowan Atkinson Gives a Most Hilarious Sermon!
Rowan Atkinson, the famous comedian, gives a sermon the likes of which you've never heard...
This May Be the Funniest Message I've Ever Heard...
This has to be the funniest hotline message ever recorded.
Simon's Cat Requires a Hilarious Visit to the Vet!
This Simon's Cat special is 12-minutes long and in full color! Watch this hilarious episode here.
These Wine Jokes Are All in Good Taste...
I never knew there were so many funny things to say about wine...
Marriage Can Be Such a Funny Kind of Affair...
A few fascinating thoughts and quotes about the institute of marriage...
15 Vintage Photos That Will Make You Laugh
These weird and funny vintage photos don't make any sense!
WATCH: 10 Funny Xmas Editions of 'Simon's Cat' All in One!
These hilarious cartoons from Simon's cat serve to remind us not to forget something really important: It's Christmas for our cats too!
Cats Aren't Always Photogenic You Know...
These cats pull some priceless funny faces - you won't be able to contain your laughter!