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Truths I Learned as I Got Older

Funny: Truths I Learned with Age

As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age I don't really give a rat's ass anymore.

If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

Funny: Truths I Learned with Age

A whale swims all day, mainly eats fish and drinks water, but is still fat.

Funny: Truths I Learned with Age

A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.

And you tell me to exercise? I don't think so.

Funny: Truths I Learned with Age

Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:

  • I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

Funny: Truths I Learned with Age

  • My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
  • I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
  • Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
  • Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
  • Some days, you're the top dog; some days you're the hydrant.

Funny: Truths I Learned with Age

  • It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
  • If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
  • I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
  • Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
  • Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

Funny: Truths I Learned with Age

  • It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
  • The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.
  • If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

Funny: Truths I Learned with Age

  • When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.
  • It's not hard to meet expenses - they're everywhere.
  • The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Funny: Truths I Learned with Age

  • These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter - I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here, after".
  • Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
  • HAVE I SENT THIS MESSAGE TO YOU BEFORE???
Funny: Truths I Learned with Age
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