1. "My child deserves only the very best."
According to Dr. Frederick Newman, a psychiatrist and director of the Center for the Treatment of Anxiety and Fear at White Plains Hospital in New York, spoiled children often display a notable character trait - they refuse to acknowledge the desires of others. These children tend to prioritize their own wants and demands without considering the needs of those around them. Dr. Newman emphasizes that when parents excessively indulge their children, it ultimately harms them and negatively impacts their character in the long run. As adults, these individuals may become their own worst adversaries, susceptible to addiction, irresponsible behavior, a lack of social skills, selfishness, and exploiting others for personal gain.
To establish boundaries for indulgence, it is essential to ensure that the child comprehends their responsibilities. This can be achieved by paying attention to their behavior and manners, providing appropriate warnings, and not tolerating rudeness towards oneself or others. Additionally, it is crucial to teach the child the value of hard work and the importance of money. As an example, if the child is growing older, assisting them in finding an afternoon job can be beneficial.
2. "You should always listen to adults."
The notion of unquestioningly listening to adults is a common desire among parents. However, it is important to recognize that this habit can potentially have negative consequences for children in the long run. According to Laura Markham, a psychologist and author of the book "Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids," overly obedient children often become overly obedient adults.
Such adults fail to stand up for themselves and say what's on their mind, and they are more likely to be victims of manipulative people. They can also simply follow orders without asking questions or taking responsibility for their actions, which may harm them in various ways if it is something inappropriate or even illegal. That is why it is important that you teach your children to sometimes say "no" and express their opinion if they feel they are being treated fairly.
3. "A+ is an ok score, A- is bad."
If you want to make your children suffer from anxiety for the rest of their lives, the way to do it is to teach them to be students who only get 100's on tests. Of course you should aim high, but you must teach your children that failure does not affect their relationship with you in any way, and that you love them even if they get a low grade.
Dr. Stephanie O'Leary, a clinical psychologist based in New York, argues that failure is actually beneficial for children due to several reasons. Firstly, it equips them with the skills to handle negative situations. Secondly, it provides valuable life experiences. Lastly, it helps them develop confidence to pursue their goals without the fear of failure. This is evident in the success stories of many individuals who struggled academically but excelled in life, as they were better equipped to face challenges and were not hindered by the fear of the unknown or perceived dangers.
4. "You should focus on studying, and I'll take care of everything else."
Continuing from the previous section, it is important to avoid solely focusing your children's attention on academics and neglecting other aspects of life. Additionally, do not dismiss any challenges they may face while they are busy with schoolwork and exam preparation. It is crucial for everyone to learn how to effectively allocate their time among various responsibilities, and this skill develops with experience. Without this experience, children may struggle to manage their responsibilities and become a burden to their parents or others in their lives.
The situation worsens if you are the kind of parent who shields their children from any difficulties. When children are not exposed to problem-solving, they grow up to be immature and irresponsible. Naturally, you would want to prevent that outcome. Allow your children to handle their own problems, but if they truly cannot find a solution, offer your assistance.
5. "If someone picks on you, just ignore them."
It is crucial for individuals to learn how to advocate for themselves. If parents discourage their children from defending themselves, they may end up remaining silent in the face of bullies, enduring insults that damage their self-confidence, or even physical abuse. This can hinder their ability to navigate a competitive professional environment and impede their career growth.
However, it is important to clarify that children should not be encouraged to engage in physical altercations with bullies. So, how should one effectively handle bullies? This question has been debated by psychologists, and the consensus is that every child has the right to protect themselves. Therefore, parents should assist their children in learning how to defend themselves both physically and verbally.
6. "You should learn a safe trade as soon as possible."
It's not uncommon for children to be unsure about their future career paths. They may lack a clear understanding of different professions, leading them to rely on their parents' suggestions, who often prioritize financial stability. However, this can be a mistake that the child may deeply regret later in life. To prevent this, it's important not to pressure children into deciding their lifelong profession prematurely. Instead, allow them the freedom to explore and discover their own passions and plans when the time is right.
In many countries, it is common for boys to be encouraged to take a gap year between finishing school and starting college. It is important for these teens to take some time off, work in temporary jobs, explore different subjects through courses, and truly understand their passions and aspirations in life.
7. "A degree is the most important thing to get a good job"
While higher education is certainly valuable for those pursuing professions that require a bachelor's or master's degree, it's important to note, however, that having a degree does not guarantee a higher salary or even a job for your children. The outcome depends on factors such as the specific profession they choose, the job market at the time, and their individual abilities and talents. For instance, programming is a lucrative field that doesn't necessarily require a computer science degree. With the right mindset and logical thinking skills, one can learn many subjects independentently. While University offers many social and joyful benefits, they are also costly, take you years you could have used to get job experience and, sometimes, can lead to people enjoying the courses but hating the actual job when they get to it, which causes a lot of regret and heartbreak.
Additionally, there are numerous fields where one can work without a degree, such as entertainment, sales and many other jobs you don't require a formal education for. Individuals who find satisfaction in such work can lead fulfilling lives. It's crucial to consider personal fulfillment when deciding whether to pursue a degree. Not everyone needs a degree just for the sake of having one if it won't be utilized in their life.
8. "Working will only distract a child from schoolwork"
While it is important for every child to achieve high grades in order to gain admission to a higher education institution, it is not at university where they will acquire professional experience. Particularly during their youth, children have the opportunity to engage in jobs that can provide them with valuable experience in working with people or clients, meeting deadlines, and behaving professionally. Having work experience is crucial when it comes to a resume, and if your children have an empty work experience section, it may decrease their chances of being hired compared to a candidate with a similar degree who does have relevant experience - even if it is not in the same field.
Experts predict that 65% of school students will work in industries that do not currently exist, making it impossible to know what specific knowledge your children will need in the future. However, it is known that they will need certain skills, such as communication, critical thinking, and self-learning. These are all skills that can be developed if they start working before completing their degree.
