1. Do a Reality Check
If your inner critic takes over and self-doubt begins to bubble, make efforts to keep yourself in check, by asking a series of questions:
1. Are my thoughts factual, or are they my interpretations?
2. Am I jumping to conclusions?
3. Is this situation I am in as bad as I'm making it out to be?
4. What's the worst thing that could happen and how likely is that to happen?
5. Will this matter in five years, and at pivotal moments of my life?
In answering these questions you may come to realize that you've let yourself engage in self-doubt. And in doing this reality test it will make you accountable for your own reassurance and less dependent on others for positive reinforcement.
2. Practice Radical Self-Acceptance
Perfectionists tend to be critical of others. This defense mechanism causes us to reject in others what we can't accept in ourselves. The more we pick at our shortcomings, the more we tend to fixate on the people around us. These strong feelings come from idealizing the perfect person and life that we aspire to. Really, it's a menacing filter we can't seem to lift off of reality. So, the solution to this is to be kind to ourselves, accepting our flaws and imperfections. To do this, every morning say something about yourself that you love, repeating it whenever you feel like you need that boost.
3. Create and Trigger Rituals
Perfectionists tend to be fearful of so many things. They are fearful of starting new projects, making the wrong life decision, choosing a partner. Each of these examples reflects the one common denominator found in a perfectionist: the fear of failing. But what can you do to combat such submissive behavior?
Cultivate the habit of refusing to let fear dictate your every move with a simple trick: replace fear and doubt with comfort and routine. Consider this as an example: a basketball player comes to the free-throw line, touches his socks, his shorts, receives the ball, bounces it exactly three times and then he rises and shoots, exactly as he has done a hundred times a day in practice. This reassuring ritual will certainly have a positive impact on the final outcome.
4. Lower the Stakes
We constantly put pressure on ourselves to have fun. But it can be too much. It's unreasonable to place those demands on ourselves. Furthermore, leaving events and get-togethers in the hope for something better, or because we have someplace better to be with people who are far more interesting is bad form and has the potential to destroy relationships. There are always fun moments, but you have to allow yourself to let it in.
5. Grieve Unrealized Dreams
We all had big dreams for ourselves when we were young. It's unlikely that we became the person we thought we'd be. Perfectionists in particular need to come to terms with that. Since we struggle with the notions of not being enough, or never amounting to anything, we need to find consistent comfort in where we currently are, and take pride in our accomplishments. To help you get through this, keep a list of all the things you accomplished, be it this week, this month or this year. See your worth and watch it come alive on paper.
Regardless of where you're at, bear in mind that taming perfectionist tendencies requires self-examination and trust. It also demands that you don't take yourself too seriously or beat yourself up if you come across a struggle. Care for yourself in the process and know that the only person stopping you from emulating admirable behavior is you.
