Joke: The Rabbi's Wife
I'm sleeping with the Rabbi's wife. Can you hold him in synagogue for an hour after services for me?" Irving was not very fond of the idea, but being Morris' lifelong friend, he reluctantly agreed.
Joke: The Wife's Math
She opens it and reads: "My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, as a 54-year-old, can no longer satisfy. I'm very happy with you and I value you as a good wife.
Joke: Trouble With the Wife
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?' 'Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.
Joke: Consult the Wife
But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now, she might be a bit uncomfortable.
Joke: The Wife, the Husband and the Genie
A husband and wife in their sixties were coming up on their 40th wedding anniversary. Knowing his wife loved antiques, he bought a beautiful old brass oil lamp for her. When she unwrapped it, a genie appeared. He thanked them and gave each of them one wish.
Joke: The Husband, the Wife and the Threesome
There was a man who was very happily married, but, every birthday he would have the same fantasy request of his wife: He wanted a threesome, and every year the wife says no. This continues on for several years until finally, the wife has enough and agrees.
Joke: The Perfect Car for the Wife
The man shakes his head “No, I’m buying this car for my wife and I certainly wouldn’t describe her as the ‘quiet and calm’ type”. The salesman quickly transfers his potential buyer to another car. “Then perhaps this would be more her style! This car is quick, sleek and agile”.
This Joke Begins With a Seductive Wife...
For more funny jokes scroll below. Marriage Joke: The Crumpled Bills funny, humor, wife, husband, money, marriage joke, crumpled bill This joke begins with a wife seductively asking her husband a question...
Joke: The Wife, the Grill and the Sausage
A man notices his wife's butt is getting big I bet your butt is as big as my grill." His wife rolls her eyes, but he gets a tape measure, measures her bottom, measures the grill, and teases her that they're about the same size. That night, he tries to see if he can get lucky.
Joke: The Buggy, The Wife and the Officer
The wife replied: " I'm not sure, Jacob - something to do with the emergency brake. " For more funny jokes scroll below!
This Joke Starts With a Wife With Incredible Luck
My wife comes in with a brand new bag, looked expensive. Me: "Honey I see you got a new Gucci bag, where'd you get it?" Wife: " My boss and I bought a lottery ticket together and won! I bought the bag with my half of the winnings." *next day wife comes home with new, fancy sunglasses.
Joke: The Sad Husband and the Curious Wife
His wife looks concerned and asks him what's wrong. He shakes his head and refuses to say anything. Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window. "Honey, what is it? I've never seen you like this before," the wife says.
Joke: How to Explain It to the Wife
One day, a gentleman's wife is planning on hosting a dinner party and wants to class it up a bit, so she sends her husband out to pick up some snails for escargot. He picks up the snails and starts heading home, but on the way, the gentleman runs into an old friend and stops to chat for a minute.
Joke: His Wife Has Needs...
My wife was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual Soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The t-shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said aggressively, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!”
This Joke Starts With a Doctor and His Wife Arguing
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. Things in the bedroom hadn’t been good for a while, so they were going at it over that. "You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work. He began his working day, and didn’t hear a peep from his wife.
Have You Heard This Joke? The Supportive Wife
When he got home, the man excitedly told his wife about his experience at the social security office. She sniffed at him, “You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too.” Images: Depositphotos.com Scroll below for more funny jokes!
Joke: The Unsatisfied Wife and the Wafting Husband
A husband and wife are having issues in the bedroom. The man has no issues but the woman can’t reach an orgasm, she tells her husband it is because she gets too warm.
Have You Heard These Jokes? It's a Funny Wife...
Despite it all, we cannot help but be a little comical about the differences between the two sexes, so if you agree with us on this, the following short jokes will surely have you bursting into laughter! Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in...
This Joke Starts With a Husband and Wife Going Fishing
Year after year Bubba's wife pleaded with him to take her fishing but he kept telling her she would not enjoy it. She, finally, wore him down, he consented, and early one morning they took off to the lake. They had not been there very long when the fish began biting.
This Joke Starts With a Man Talking to His Wife
Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde.
Joke: This Wife Can't Help But Make Comparisons...
The wife nudges her husband in the ribs, and comments: "See! That was 5 times a month!" The second bull is to be sold: "Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year." Again the wife bugs her husband: "Hey, that's some 10 times a month. What do YOU say to that?!"
This Joke Starts With a Husband and Wife Talking in Bed
Wife: I can't sleep without it. Husband: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night? Wife: I can't sleep without it. Husband: You get hot at the darnedest times. Wife: I can't sleep without it. Husband: If you love me you'd be more considerate. Wife: I can't sleep without it.
Joke: The Lazy Husband and the Fed-Up Wife
After a few days, as the husband returns home from work, his wife says to him, "Honey, one of the pipes in the bathroom is leaking, could you fix it?" "What do I look like, a plumber?" asks the husband, and goes to sleep.
This Joke Starts With a Husband and Wife Getting Stuck
A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.