Lately Jokes

My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Everyone is getting so paranoid, and diving into conspiracy theories lately...
Must be something in the water.
Man: "Iโ€™ve had really bad gas lately." Doctor: D"onโ€™t worry, it will pass."
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
I married my wife for her looks. Just not the ones she been giving me lately.
An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile.. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.'

'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.'
Have you botany plants lately?
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
I know I've never been all that attractive.
But lately every woman I try to approach avoids me like the plague.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
Have you been to the doctor's lately? Cause I think you're lacking some vitamin me.
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