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Delivered Jokes

Skeleton Puns
How do skeletonโ€™s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
Heart Puns
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
Vaccine Puns
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
Sibling Puns
My sister just delivered a baby...
I knew she had it in her.
Christian Quotes
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch. -- Robert Orben
Ancient Rome Puns
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Food Poems
When I go out to dinner,
I do not want to share.
I donโ€™t care what is on your plate;
I donโ€™t want to compare.

I scan the menu up and down
And then make my selection.
When it arrives, itโ€™s meant for me
And not for your inspection.

โ€œYou want to taste my fish?โ€ Iโ€™m asked.
Some people never learn;
For then the expectation is
To taste mine in return.

And so the answerโ€™s always No!
Yet comments never cease.
โ€œYour fries look really good!โ€ They are,
So let me eat in peace!

Each morsel on my dish is mine
And I intend to finish.
Perhaps my attitude will make
Your thoughts of me diminish.

Iโ€™m sorry if that is the case โ€“
Dessert Iโ€™ll split just fine;
But when the mealโ€™s delivered โ€“
You eat yours and Iโ€™ll eat mine!

(Ilene Bauer)
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