Attention Jokes

I sneezed in the bank today, it was the most attention I have received in the last 10 years.
โ€œThe quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.โ€

- Lane Olinghouse.
I met a French vampire who had an attention deficit problem. We called him Drac..ooh la la!
You can't ever get the attention of a vampire on Halloween. They're way too busy looking for their necks victim.
What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?
The centaur of attention.
โ€œIโ€™m so poor I canโ€™t even pay attention." ~Ron Kittle
"Iโ€™m so poor I canโ€™t pay attention." ~ Ron Kittle
Nice legging. Are you making a fashion statement? Because you got my attention.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
What do seals do when they need medical attention?
Sea kelp.
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
The oranges hadnโ€™t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
Sometimes we eat when weโ€™re hungry
Or else when weโ€™re just in the mood,
But everyoneโ€™s habits are different
In how we relate to our food.

There are 3 meals-a-day folk as well as
The ones who skip breakfast or lunch
And grazers who nibble for most of the day
Or snackers who in-between munch.

There are people with junk food addictions
And those who shun pork, beef or fish,
While the gluten or carb-free among us
Pay attention to whatโ€™s in each dish.

As for sweets, thatโ€™s a whole other story โ€“
When you think about ice cream or pie
Or the various candies and chocolates
Without which some could never get by.

Just consider your own way of eating
With the foods you enjoy or you sneak
And youโ€™ll realize, if you broach the subject,
That our diets are all most unique!

(Ilene Bauer)
Hey sugar-buns, do you play Center? Wanna be the center of my attention?
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