French

The European Afterlife
The European Afterlife European Heaven is where: All the soldiers are British, All the wine is French, All the cars are German, All the lovers are Italian, The weather is Greek, And everything is organized by the Swiss. European Hell is where: All the soldiers are French, All the wine is German, All the cars are Greek, All the lovers are Swiss, The weather is British, And everything is organized by the Italians.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
Two European frogs discuss their ancestry
"So, are you a complete french frog?"

"No. I'm a tad-pole."
The Cannibals and the Choice
The Cannibals and the Choice Three explorers--a Frenchman, a Brit, and a New Yorker--were trekking through the jungle when they were captured by pygmies. "I've got good news and bad news," says the chief. "The bad news is that we're going to cook you, skin you, and make canoes out of your skin." "That's terrible!" exclaims the Brit, "What's the good news?" "Well..." the chief responds, "We'll let you choose the manner of your death, and even perform it yourself if you'd like." The Frenchman steps forward first. "I vill take ze rope, s'il vous plaît." The chief hands him a rope. The Frenchman ties a noose and shouts "Vive la France!" before strangling himself. The pygmies cook him, skin him, and make a canoe out of his skin. Next, the Brit steps forward. "I'll have a bloody pistol, chaps." The chief hands him a pistol. "God save the Queen!" shouts the Brit, and blows his brains out. The pygmies cook him, skin him, and make a canoe out of his skin. Finally, the New Yorker steps forward. "Gimme a fork!" "A FORK?!?" The pygmies are perplexed, but nonetheless, give him a fork. He starts stabbing himself in the face, neck, chest, and legs. All over his body, he plunges the fork into his skin until he is bleeding from a thousand tiny holes. The chief is aghast. "Good Lord! What are you doing?!?" The New Yorker bellows, SCREW YOU, AND YOUR CANOES!"
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
Why are goats from France musical?
Because they have French horns.
A Portuguese, Spaniard, Dane, Finn, Swede, German, French, Italian, Belgian, Austrian, Czech, Polish, Russian, Afgani, Serbian, Brit, Irish, Scot, Sardinian, Corsican, Icelander, Belarian, Romanian, Yugoslavian, Hungarian, Ukrainian, Bulgarian, Turk, Morrocan, Algerian, Liberian, Sudanese, S. African, Zambian, Ethiopian, Bosnian, Nigerian, Angolan, Botswanian, Tanzanian, Saudi Arabian, Kuwaiti, Iranian, Iraqi, Pakistanian, Mongolian, Indian, Burman, Chinese, Cambodian, Laotian, Somalian, Yemen, Syrian, Israeli, Armenian, Philipino, Javan, Australian, Sri Lankan, Malaysian, Georgian, Taiwanese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Puerto Rican, Dominican Republican, Aruban, Jamacian, Cuban, Haitian, El Salvadorian, Guatamalan, Nicaraguan, Costa Rican, Panamanian, American, Canadian, Mexican, Argentinian, Bolivian, Peruvian, Columbian, Brazilian, Ecuadorian and a Venezuelan walk into a bar.


The bartender looks up and says, "Sorry. I cannot serve you without a Thai."
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
“Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.”
Doug Larson
What do you call a French guy flying a plane? A pilot.
What did one Frenchman say to the other?
I have no idea; I don’t speak French.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a Dutchman are all on a zoom call.
The four men are all on a zoom call with their boss. Their boss asks “Can you see me?” and they respond

“Yes”

“Oui”

“Si”

“Ja”
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
What is a French cat's favorite dessert? Chocolate mousse!
Americans Do It All Wrong
Americans Do It All Wrong A Marine boarded a train on his way home from deployment. The train was quite crowded, and the Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed middle-aged French woman, but when he got there he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude.. My little Fifi is using that seat.." The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat available was under that dog. "Please, Ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired." She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!" This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window and sat down. The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! Put this American in his place!" An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up. "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window."