Why is the moon a wanted criminal? It’s constantly mooning people.
Mooning is very ASStrological
The moon landing is obviously fake. The moon is clearly still up there.
Got my friend an unnecessarily large rocket for bonfire night.
He's over the moon!He's over the moon!
What holds the moon up?
Who is the first farmer to walk on the moon? Neil Farmstrong.
Why didnt the moon go outside? Because it was waning.
Living costs on the moon would probably be out of this world.
Last night I was but by a bloodsucker from the moon. Damn lunatics.
How does the sun say hi to the moon? With a heat wave!
Why does no one trust the man on the moon?Why does no one trust the man on the moon?
Because he has a dark side!
How does a quarter moon always feel? Crestfallen.
How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
What do moon people do after they get married?What do moon people do after they get married?
Go on their honeyearth.
What kind of tropical fruit wants to visit the moon? A Coco-naut
What do you call a meal from the moon? A satellite dish.
Why didnt the moon have any more to eat. Becuase it was full
What do you think walking on the moon is like? Not very impactful.
Why is the moon so conceited at times? It becomes full of itself.
Canada is planning a mission to the moon They're calling the spaceship the Apollo-G.
Can an Australian with poor vision clearly see the moon? No, but a "good eye might."
Did you hear about the restaurant they built on the moon? The food is good but it lacks atmosphere.
What do you call a person really crazy about the moon A lunatic.
Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock? Because it's a little meteor.
How does one astronaut on the moon tell another astronaut that he is sorry?
Wanna know a way for werewolves to howl other than the full moon? Make them stub their toe.
What do you call a fashionable, but judgmental monster who howls at the moon? A What Not To Wear-Wolf.
Libya changed its plain green flag to a crescent moon, but I think they'll change it back. It's only a phase, after all.
Who the Heck Is Mr. Gorsky?
On July 20th, 1969, as commander of the Apollo 11 lunar module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon.
His first words after stepping on the moon, "that's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," were heard by millions of people around the world.
But just before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark: "good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet cosmonaut.
However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "good luck, Mr. Gorsky” statement meant, but he just brushed them off by smiling.
On July 5th, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question. That time, he finally responded.
Mr. Gorsky had died, so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.
In 1938, when he was a kid in a small Midwestern town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard.
His friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbor's yard by the bedroom windows.
His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky.
As he leaned down to pick up the ball, the young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky.
"Make love? You want to make love?! You'll get lovin' when the kid next door walks on the moon!!"
A dear old man has been having trouble making love to his wife due to impotency.
He has tried pills, oils, anything he can get his hands on, but nothing works. He researched online, asked every online expert he could think of - to no avail.
He tells his buddy about this, and his buddy says "I know a witch doctor who has a remedy for this. Go see her, she will help you out.
The old man goes to the witch doctor and explains his problems.
"I know just the thing," she says, and hands him a potion. "Drink this. When you are ready, just say 'one, two, three.' Your problems will be solved. When you are finished, your partner must say, 'one, two, three, four,' and that will be that. You can only use this potion once every full moon."
Excited to try this new remedy, he makes his way home in a haste.
That night, things are starting to get hot and heavy. He turns around and says "one, two three." Just like that, he is hard as a rock, like he was 18 again. He faces his wife, ready to go.
Impressed, his wife stared at him and said, "Wow, that looks great. But what did you say 'one, two, three,' for?"
What do you call a clock on the moon? A lunartick.
How do you know the moon is going broke? It's down to its last quarter.
How to Turn a Nice Profit While Flying
A blonde and a lawyer are sitting next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asks the blonde if she wants to play a game, "All you have to do is ask a question and if I get it wrong or don't know, I'll give you five dollars, then I ask you a question and if you get it wrong you pay me five dollars."
"No," she says. "I just want to sleep."
He keeps asking and she finally gives in when he says he will pay her 500 dollars, but she still only has to pay five dollars.
"What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" he asks.
She gives him 5 dollars. "What goes up the hill with four legs and comes down with five?" she asks.
He pulls out his laptop and searches it, but finds nothing. Then he emails his friends. After an hour, he still hasn't got an answer, he hands her 500 dollars. Then he asks her: "So what is the answer?"
She hands him 5 dollars.
Do you know what it's called when you see the sun, the moon and the stars all at the same time? Really good acid.
The Bad Kung Fu Pupil
A Kung Fu pupil asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated."
And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers: "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I watch it every night."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this stuff instead of training."