Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
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