“People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.” Betty White
The Mystery Woman at the Bar
This bachelor goes into a bar and notices a major hottie, always alone, who comes in on a fairly regular basis.
After the second week, he made his move. Despite his best game, the bachelor couldn't achieve any progress with her. "No thank you," she would always say."
The man was determined, this cutie was worth giving up the game. They had an instant connection, but things never got past the formalities!
At the end of the night he finally caved. "Why won't you come home with me?" he whined to her. The woman said: "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love."
"Wow, that must be rather difficult." the bachelor said.
"Oh, I don't mind too much," she said. "But it has my husband pretty upset."
A spider called a tech support office. He needed help connecting to the web.
Being Senior Can Be a Funny Thing...
Want to live forever? Then choose one of these professions:
Old bankers never die, they just lose their interest!
Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under.
Old printers never die, they're just not the type.
Old tanners never die, they just go into hiding.
Old wrestlers never die, they just lose their grip.
Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive.
Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver.
Old actors never die, they just drop apart.
Three old guys were out walking.
First one said, "Windy, isn't it?"
The second one said, "No, it's Thursday!"
The third one said, "So am I. Let's go get a beer!"
Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. They even have their own vocabulary:
BFF: Best Friend Fainted
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered by Medicare
FWB: Friend with Beta-blockers
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They go back to his place, and as she shows him around his apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.
Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor. Cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher. Huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is surprised that this girl would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her so as not to ruin his chances.
She turns to him, invitingly... they kiss...and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love. After he has this intense night of passion with this beautiful girl, and they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it for you?"
The woman yawns: "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."
Are you bad WiFi? Because I'm feeling no connection here.
The State of the Modern Church
What Churches might be soon this 2020 and beyond:
PASTOR: Praise the Lord.
PASTOR: Can we please turn our iPads and Kindle Bibles to Exodus 20:1. When you’re done, kindly switch on your Bluetooth to receive the sermon. Please have your debit cards ready as we shall now collect tithes and offering. You can connect to the church WiFi using password Lord99087 and as for the renovation donations, you’re welcome to contribute via EFT or mobile banking. The holy atmosphere is truly electric as the iPads beep and flicker.
CHURCH SECRETARY: This week’s meetings will be held on the various Whatsapp groups so please don’t miss out! Wednesday Bible teachings will be held live on Skype @1900hrsGMT. By the way, you may follow the Pastor on Twitter for counseling and don’t forget our weekly prayers on YouTube. God bless you all.