After a thorough investigation, a rich gangster finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of 10 million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf and that was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.
When the mobster goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer 'Ask him where the $10 million bucks he embezzled from me is'.
The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the money?"
The bookkeeper signs back: 'I don't know what you are talking about'.
The attorney tells the gangster: 'He says he doesn't know what you're talking about'.
The gangster pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple and says, 'Ask him again!'
The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: 'He'll kill you if you don't tell him!'
The bookkeeper signs back: 'OK! OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!'
The Godfather asks the attorney: 'Well, what'd he say?'
'He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger.'
A destitute man is walking the streets looking for a job.
Eventually, he comes to a brothel with a "Help Wanted!" sign in the window. He walks in and asks the manager about the job offer in the window. The manager says, "well we need a bookkeeper at this here establishment, so, there are some things you'll need to be able to do." "Like what?" Says the man.
"Well, can you read?"
"Can you write?"
"Can you at least add or subtract?"
"Well no I can't do that either," the man says. "But I'm desperate for a job! I haven't a penny to my name and I'm starving!"
"Well, alright here's a quarter to buy yourself something to eat." the manager gives him a coin.
The destitute man walks out of the brothel and by some chance, a man is walking by with a cart full of apples for sale for 25 cents. The man buys one and just as he's about to take a bite of it, another homeless man says "hey I'll give you 50 cents for that apple!" Thinking about it, the man agrees and gives him the apple. He then goes back to the apple cart and buys two more apples for 25 cents a piece and sells them for 50 cents. This carries on for a while and years later he is the manager of the largest fruit shipping company in the US and he's worth millions of dollars.
Eventually, a reporter finds out about this man's past and he decides to write a story about him in the paper. But, before he can write the story the man needs to sign an agreement for the paper to use his story. "Well I can't do that." says the man.
"Why not?" Asks the surprised reporter.
"I can't read or write... How do you expect me to sign my name?"
The reporter is baffled, "you're the owner of the largest shipping company in the US and you can't read or write? Imagine where you'd be if you could!"
"Well, I'd probably be a bookkeeper in a brothel."