One day, Bob decided to go to the zoo. When he got to the
ape cage, he found himself looking at a big male
ape, who was staring right back at him. When he scratched his head, so did the
ape. Noticing this, Bob decided to have some fun. So he started to scratch under his arms and jump around saying "ooooh oooh oooh" and so did the
ape.
Stopping to think about what to do next, Bob scratched his chin, as he was thinking. Before he could even react, the
ape pulled the bars of his cage apart, jumped the moat, and proceeded to beat the ever living crap out of him. A few weeks later, Bob comes to in a hospital room, in full traction. When they realized that he was awake, the staff brought a man into his room, and left the two of them alone.
"Mr. Smith, my name is Albert. I am the zookeeper and I want to see if we can figure out what happened before you were attacked."
"I....don't know. I was looking at the
ape, and noticed he was mimicking my movements."
"I need to know exactly what you did."
"Well, when I first noticed it, I was scratching my head. When I noticed he was scratching his head, I started to play around, and I started to scratch my underarms and make oooh sounds."
"OK, then what happened?"
"Well, I was trying to think of something else to do, and I think I scratched my chin, which is the last thing I remember."
"You scratched you chin??? Oh that explains everything! You see, in
Ape, that means 'Screw you!'. Thank Goodness, because if the attack was unprovoked, we'd have to put him down."
So the zookeeper left Bob to sit in traction for another six months, and if you've ever been in a cast, you can only imagine the misery of six months of not being able to move, shit or pee, or even get to that one itch, without someone else's help. It wears on a man. So Bob spent all that time coming up with a plan to get his revenge on that darned
ape.
He's finally released from the hospital, and makes his first trip to the local butcher, where he buys a giant polish
sausage, and a pair of nice new butcher knives.
He then goes straight to the zoo, and marches up to the
ape cage, where he is soon standing face to face with his attacker.
"Remember me?" He asked as he got the
apes attention, and saw that he was once again mimicking him. He smiled and reached into his bag, and tossed a butcher
knife into the
apes cage.
When the
ape picked it up, Bob got his attention, by holding his own
knife high, while he reached into his pants, and pulled the polish
sausage out through the fly. Just as he expected, the
ape mimicked him, holding his
knife high, and his genitals in his other hand.
Seeing this, Bob sliced down with his big butcher
knife, cleanly cutting the polish
sausage in half. Seeing the
sausage laying on the ground, he looked up smugly to see how much pain the poor dumb
ape must be in right now... when he saw him standing there, scratching his chin.