There once was a woman from Arden
Who was blowing her man in her garden
He said “my dear Flo,
Where does it all go?
She said *gulp* “I beg your pardon?
There was a young man from Peru,
who fell asleep in his canoe,
while dreaming of Venus,
he played with his penis,
and woke up covered in goo.
There once was a girl from Hoboken,
who swore her cherry was broken,
from riding her bike,
on a cobblestone pike,
but it was really broken from pokin'.
There once was a woman named Jill
Who swallowed an exploding pill
They found her va**na
In North Carolina
And her tits in a tree in Brazil.
There once was a man from Pompeii
One day made a wife out of clay
But the heat from his prick
Turned the clay into brick
And tore all his foreskin away!
There once was a man from Iraq
Who had holes down the length of his c**k
When he got an erection
It'd play a selection
From Johann Sebastian Bach.
There once was a man from the coast,
who had an affair with a ghost,
he had an orgasm in thin ectoplasm,
and got a good feeling almost.
There once was an X from place B,
Who satisfied predicate P,
The X did thing A,
In a specified way,
Resulting in circumstance C.
There once was a man from leeds
who ate a packet of seeds
within the hour
his dick was a flour
and his balls were all covered in weeds.
There once was a man from Bombay
Who fashioned a c*nt out of clay
But the heat of his prick
turned it into a brick
And it chafed all his foreskin away.
There once was a gal from Cancun,
Who had a most curious poon.
T'was coarse like a thistle,
But tight as a whistle,
And whilst cumming, could play you a tune.
There once was a man from china
who wasn't a very good climba'
he slipped on a rock
and cut of his c**k
and now he's got a va**na.
There once was a Senator from Mass
Who wanted a strange piece of ass
He lucked up and found it
But screwed up and drowned it
And now his future is past.
There once was maid name of Olga,
whoes resume read rather vulga
the things she could do,
from basement to flue,
without ever letting go of ya
There once was a man from sprocket
Who went for a ride in a rocket
The rocket went bang
His balls went clang
And he found his d**k in his pocket!
There once was a man from Cape Horn,
who wished he never was born.
And he wouldn't have been
if his father had seen
that the top of the rubber was torn.
There once was a man from Devizes
Whose balls were of differing sizes
One was so small you couldn't see it at all
The other so big it won prizes.
There once was a lady from Decatur
Who got laid by a large alligator.
But nobody knew
The result of that screw
Because after he laid her, he ate her.
There once was a man from East Kent
Whose tool was so long that it bent
To save her some trouble
He folded it double
And instead of coming...he went.
There once was a man from Bel Air
Who was doing his wife on the stair
But the banister broke
So he doubled his stroke
And finished her off in mid-air.
There once was a man from Racine
Who was an amazing fu**ing machine
Both concave and convex
He could screw either s*x
and jerk himself off in between.