What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.