Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.
He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickleslicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed.
He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my… umm… member into the pickleslicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickleslicer?"
"Oh - she got fired too."
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
The Genie, the Waterfall and Their Last Wish
An Englishman, an American and a Japanese are doing white water rafting, when all of a sudden they spot a huge drop to a waterfall they never knew was there. They are moments away from plunging over a waterfall to their doom...
Suddenly a genie appears. The genie explains that he is the spirit of the waterfall, and he is of limited power. He cannot prevent their inevitable deaths, but he can grant each man one wish before he dies.
The American steps up first. "I love my country. Before I die I want to sing my national anthem one last time. The full version. Give my friends lyrics sheets, so they can join in. I want a full backing orchestra and a gospel choir."
"It will be done." says the genie.
The Japanese goes next. "I love my country too. Nothing represents it better than our wonderful cuisine. Please let me taste one more time, the delicacies of my village. I want fermented sticky soy beans. Fresh sea urchin. Raw horse meat. Pickled seaweed. Sugared omelettes. And please....provide enough so I can share the meal with my friends."
"It will be done." says the genie.
The Englishman quietly approaches the genie, and whispers in his ear
'Just send me over the waterfall before the bloody song starts and the food gets here."
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London? Pickle-dilly Square.
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist? If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
What's a pickle's favorite book? To Dill A Mockingbird.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium? A tro-pickle fish.
What's a pickle's life philosophy? Never a dill moment.
Why is the pickle container always open? Because it's ajar.
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up. It makes me chuckle.
What do you call a pickle doctor? A dill pusher.
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards? Dill'em in.
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road? Road dill.
What did the arrogant pickle say? I'm kind of a big dill.
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite? They're well-bread.
What's green and wears a cape? Super Pickle.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist? Salvador Dilli.
What's green and swims in the sea? Moby Pickle.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price? A sweet dill.
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods. A hill-dilly.
What's green and pecks on trees? Woody Wood Pickle.
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad? I relish the thought.
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby? Claussen.
What do you call a pickle lullaby? A cucumber slumber number.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out. I'm in a right pickle!
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator? A crocodill.
Why do gherkins giggle when you touch them? They're pickle-ish.
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle? Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I'd had enough. "Why don't you pickle someone your own size?" I shouted.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich. But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour. The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.