I got a valentine from a pickle today... It meant a great dill to me.
The Pickle Factory Worker and His Urge
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.
He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickleslicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed.
He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my… umm… member into the pickleslicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickleslicer?"
"Oh - she got fired too."
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London? Pickle-dilly Square.
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist? If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
What's a pickle's favorite book? To Dill A Mockingbird.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium? A tro-pickle fish.
What's a pickle's life philosophy? Never a dill moment.
Why is the pickle container always open? Because it's ajar.
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up. It makes me chuckle.
What do you call a pickle doctor? A dill pusher.
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards? Dill'em in.
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road? Road dill.
What did the arrogant pickle say? I'm kind of a big dill.
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite? They're well-bread.
What's green and wears a cape? Super Pickle.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist? Salvador Dilli.
What's green and swims in the sea? Moby Pickle.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price? A sweet dill.
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods. A hill-dilly.
What's green and pecks on trees? Woody Wood Pickle.
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad? I relish the thought.
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby? Claussen.
What do you call a pickle lullaby? A cucumber slumber number.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out. I'm in a right pickle!
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator? A crocodill.
Why do gherkins giggle when you touch them? They're pickle-ish.
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle? Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I'd had enough. "Why don't you pickle someone your own size?" I shouted.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich. But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour. The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.