Kids and I are making burgers for my wife on Mother's Day....
I hope they meat her expectations
My mother's mother hit the jackpot at the BINGO!!!
She's a grammy winner!
My wife showed me two of her mother’s quilts and asked me which one I preferred.
I said, “I refuse to make blanket statements.”
Since it's Mothers Day weekend, I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a BIG SMILE on her face this morning...
Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
I don’t know why I couldn’t convince my wife she would like the set of knives I made her for Mother’s Day.
I made several good points.
Ignore your mother's bad joke, son...
It's a faux pa.
My mother's mother lost her false teeth at the retirement home. We searched the place everywhere but couldn't find them.
We looked in every nook and granny!
What does a baby volcano say to his volcano mother?
Magma
What is a frustrated mother’s favorite month?
I SAID NO-vember.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum
Children with only a mother make horrible programmers
Theres always missing parent.
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."
Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."
What do you call a parallelogram that's also your parent's mother?
A parallelogramma
A mother mountain says to her moody teenage mountain “don’t you give me that altitude!!”
My mother-in-law dropped her iPhone in the toilet...
I told her, "there's a CRAP for that."
I'm so glad our Billy inherited his mother's intelligence
...and I got to keep mine.
My mother's sister can carry 50 times her own weight
She's my aunt
Its hard being a teenage mother
Especially when you're a teenage male.
What did the Indian kid say to his mother when she left India?
Mumbai
How can you tell if a tree is older than your mother?
It'll be covered in grandmoss.