The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
Serotonin and Dopamine: Technically, the only things you enjoy.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
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