Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
What did the structural engineer say to the architect? Nice buttress.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
Two red blood cells met and fell in love, but alas, it was all in vein.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
I'm reading a book about metal fasteners.
Riveting stuff.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
Serotonin and Dopamine: Technically, the only things you enjoy.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Did you hear about the geologist who got divorced?
He was taking his wife for granite, so she left him.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
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