Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
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