Funny Insults & ComebacksJoke Generator

Funny insults you can use or prepared comebacks for people insulting you

Roses are red.

Your blood is too.

You look like a monkey

And belong in a zoo.

Do not worry,

I'll be there too.

Not in the cage,

But laughing at you.
I am happily married - my wife, on the other hand, not so much.
I'll never forget the first time we met -- although, I'll keep trying.
They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.
My marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not that hot.
Save your breath, you'll need it to blow up date night!
My phone battery lasts longer than your promises!
My wife's like a tornado; moans like hell when she comes and you takes the house when she leaves.
I'm only keeping your number in my phone so I know not to answer when you call.
You want my ass? You had my ass. You let my ass walk away. The only ass left is your dumbass!
I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.
I wish our marriage certificate came with an expiry date.
When we broke up, my ex told me: "You'll never find someone like me!" and I said, "that's the point!"
Marriage is like a phone call in the middle of the night; first the ring, THEN you wake up.
My spouse calls me crazy, but who’s the one who married me? Who’s the crazy one now?
My wife gives me sound advice: 99% sound and 1% advice.
My spouse’s cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
You're so weak, you couldn't push an empty cart!
You're so weak, when you got hit by a pebble, you were knocked over!
You're so weak, you will be crushed by a feather!
Yo mama's so WEAK, when she sat down, she broke her hips!
You're so weak, when you got poked, you fell down!
You're so weak, you couldn't lift an empty bag!
You're so weak, when he tried to stand up, he broke his legs!
You're so weak, you got amnesia from a sheet of paper!
Yo mama's so WEAK, she was killed by a Nerf gun!
You're so weak, if you stretch, you will break your arms!
You're so weak, you use pencils as dumbbells!
You're so skinny, you have to run around in the shower to get wet.
You're so skinny that you can play her ribs like a xylophone.
You're so skinny you use bandaids for pillows.
You're so skinny that people thought you were a twig off a tree.
You're so skinny, YOU could dive through a fence.
Your momma is so skinny when she swallowed a meatball people thought she was pregnant.
You're so thin that if you stand in front of a wall you'll look like a crack.
You're so skinny you can use a bracelet as a hula hoop.
You're so thin, when you shower someone has to pull you out of the drain.
You're so skinny, you can grate cheese on your ribs.
You're so skinny, you have to stand in the same place twice to cast a shadow.
You're so skinny, you have to wear skis in the shower.
When you wore yellow yesterday, I thought you were a pencil.
You're so skinny your mom actually enjoyed your birth!
I've seen more meat in a chicken than you.
You're so skinny, you can see out the peephole with both eyes.
You're so skinny you can dodge raindrops.
You're so skinny, you can see out the peephole with both eyes.
You're so skinny, if you turned sideways and stuck out your tongue, you would look like a zipper.
You're so skinny that you have to wear a belt with spandex.
You're so skinny that you use Chapstick as a deodrant.
You look like one of those kids in the Unicef commercials.
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