How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"