75 Hilarious Blonde Jokes!

Though we know the myth of the dumb blonde is a total lie, we can still enjoy these jokes that have been written over the decades on the mythological 'Dumb Blonde', as they can be really hilarious. Enjoy 75 of our best short and one liner blonde jokes!

What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
Why are blondes bad at Hide and Seek? Because they can never find the sausage.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? Because she wanted sweet dreams!
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
Why did the blonde have square boobs? Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved.
Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, "What are you carrying?"
"Melons," the blonde replies.
"Cool," the guy says.
"If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?"
The blonde giggles and says, "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them."
A blond was taking helicopter lessons.
The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you're doing."
At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great.
At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well.
Right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground.
The instructor ran to where she crash landed and pulled her out of the helicopter. "What went wrong?"
The blond said, "At 2500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
Why did God give blondes 2 more brain cells than horses? So they don't crap in the parade.
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"
"Could I start In three months?"
How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.
A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.
What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool? Air Pockets What has 12 feet and an IQ of 40? A Blonde-tourage.
Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell, she has a grenade in her hand.
The advantage of having a blonde as your girlfriend? You get to park in the handicap zone.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an "F" in se*.
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
How do you kill a Blonde? Put a Scratch 'n Sniff at the bottom of a pool.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
Why was the blondes' belly button sore? Because her boyfriend was blonde too.
How do you get a blonde off of her knees? Cum.