60 Jokes and Puns About Thanksgiving!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING pilgrims! It's such a fun holiday, and such a filling one! It's a time to sit together, tell stories, eat, drink and tell funny jokes! Enjoy these 60 hilarious Thanksgiving Jokes, puns and one liners for all ages!

“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!” That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf? At Pranksgiving.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.” Stephen Colbert
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
Knock knock! Who’s there? Tamara. Tamara who? Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey? Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids? If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
What do turkeys and women have in common? A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!" Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?” Kenny Rogerson
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner? Good restaurant reservations.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters. We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What did baby corn say to mama corn? "Where's popcorn?"
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving? You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform? Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? "To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie? One baked with May-flour.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted? “OK, spare me no insults!"
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring? Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp? A bird who can pluck itself.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers. Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey. If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving? He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving? Traditionally, the letter G.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red? Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey? Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded? Fast food.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation? Turkey in suspense.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan. But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What’s black, white and red? A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving? Because you far exceeded your feed limit. .
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert? Answer: Peach gobbler!
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving? I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving? The family dog’s nose.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving? Groovy.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad? They turn into blueberries.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey? Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.