25 Funny Marriage Puns!

Marriage is a very funny affair... Especially when we're talking Marriage Puns! Enjoy 25 hilarious puns about the world's oldest institute.

What do you call a hippie's wife?
A Mississippi.
There are three stages of lovemaking after marriage:

Tri-weekly.
Try weekly.
Try weakly.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
There are 4 rings men need for marriage - The first is an engagement ring, then a wedding ring, then suffe-ring and endu-ring.
What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.
My wife asked me to pass her lip balm.
I gave her superglue instead.
She's still not talking to me.
My wife says she’s leaving me because she thinks I’m too obsessed with astronomy.
What planet is she on?!
Did you hear about the notebook who married a pencil? She finally found Mr. Write.
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve.
Just bought my wife a refrigerator, for our Anniversary:
Cannot wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web."
Did you hear about the two cell phones that got married?
The ceremony was so so but the reception was superb.
My wife challenged me to a game of strip poker, but it turned out she just wanted to do laundry.
So I folded.
"It's been an emotional day,," said the groom. "Even the cake is in tiers."
There was a bald man who married his comb.
He promised, “I’ll never part with it!”
Unfortunately, the jumper cables are getting a divorce. They just had no spark.
Did you hear about the happy cannon balls?
They just got married and I hear they’re already expecting some BBs.
Two florists recently got married.
It was an arranged marriage.
I went to a wedding of two nuclear technicians.
The bride was radiant and the groom was glowing.
It’s been a few years since the invisible man married the invisible woman.
Their kids are nothing to look at.
Why did Comic Sans divorce Times New Roman? He just wasn’t her type.
I just had a near-se* experience…
My whole wife flashed before my eyes.
What do you call a fruit that cannot get married?
A cantelope.
Why did the King of Hearts marry the Queen of Hearts?
They were perfectly suited to each other.
Sadly, hydrogen and helium broke things off. But they still think of each other... periodically.