A goat came out of nowhere and headbutted me
It was a ram-done act of violence
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
What animal has more lives than a cat? A frog … because he croaks every night!
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
Which type of dinosaur could jump higher than a house ? Any kind! A house cannot jump!
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
Why isn't the the koala a real bear? He doesn't have the right koalifications.
What happened to the vet that was accused of negligence? They were sued for meow-practice
Once I told a joke about mosquitos...
It was malarious.
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
What does a well-educated owl say?
Whom.
Why did the lion cross the road? Because he saw a zebra-crossing...
What do tigers sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells! Jungle bells!
What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.
What did the Inuit say to to Englishman After he wanted some seal?
"I've got Nunavut."
How do crabs evade taxes?
They set up shell corporations.
Why did the Apatosaurus devour the factory? Because she was a plant eater!
What do you get when a dinosaur blows it's nose? OUT of the way!!
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
What do you call an owl who knows how to do magic tricks?
Hoodini.
What’s the difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job?
One’s a crusty bus-station, the other’s a busty crustacean.
Which side of a koala bear has the most fur? The outside!
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
Why don’t penguins fly?
They are not tall enough to be pilots.
Why are kangaroos good at brewing beer?
They have hops.
What kind of ant is good at math?
An account-ant.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
What did the baby rabbit say before his favorite holiday? I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny to visit.
What do llamas do when they eat outside together?
They have an alpacanic.
Did you hear what happened to the Energizer Bunny? He got arrested for Battery.
What do you call a kangaroo in Africa?
Lost.
How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
What do you call a Tyrannosaurus under stress?
A nervous rex.
Where did the duck go when he was sick? A:
To the ducktor.
What does a Triceratops sit on? Its Tricera-bottom.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
When does a bat go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
What's it called when a buffalo turns two hundred years old?
A Bisontennial!
When you cross a sheep and a wolf, you will end up with a new sheep, you can’t make such a costly mistake with wolves.
If someone says, “See you later alligator,” you must respond with, “In a while crocodile.”
It’s in the bye laws.
What kind of eels can travel on land?
Wheels.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
What do you call a dead flamingo?
A flaminghost.
How do horses get to another star system? They travel through intergalloptic space.
Who has large antlers, a high voice and wears white gloves? Mickey Moose!
Q. Where can you view sculptures and paintings created by deer?
A. At the art moose-seum.
What is a koala bear’s favorite line in the movie “The Sixth Sense”? “Aussie dead people.”
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
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