What do you call a horse that lives next door to you?
A neigh-bor.
I heard some crows communicating after one of their own was injured.
They were caws for concern.
What did the deer say after prancing around a cloning machine for an hour?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
What do you call a happy penguin?
a Pen-Grin!
If you were in the jungle, and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
How do mice celebrate when they move home? With a mouse warming party!
My favorite music is by Spandau Croc-quet.
How long do chickens work?
Around the cluck.
What should you name a crow with soft down feathers? Microwsoft.
What do you call a reptile that works on a farm?
An irri-gator.
Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
What did the bat say to the diabetic? Nice knawing you!
What do you call an owl who knows how to do magic tricks?
Hoodini.
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
What's it called when a buffalo turns two hundred years old?
A Bisontennial!
What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?
"Do not consume if seal is broken."
Why did the magician have to cancel his show? Because he just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.
One of my friends who hates crows, looked at a flock of crows, I saw murder in his eyes.
Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
Fry-Day.
What do you call a group of crows eating a box of corn flakes?
A cereal murder.
My wife has been giving me a hard time about my drinking. Eventually, I agreed to quit cold turkey.
Never cared for leftovers anyway.
What do you call an ant from overseas?
Import-ant.
A group of crows drooling over a pastry is called a-tempted murder.
Calling my new dog “Shark” was a mistake.
I’ve been banned from all my local beaches.
Q. Why did the girl-illa win the beauty contest?
A. She was beast of show!
What do you call a turkey's evil twin?
A Gobblegänger.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
Q. Which kind of deer has a serious drinking problem?
A. The elk-oholic.
A zoo owner introduced his tiger to the visitors by saying "this is the most paw-some tiger at the zoo".
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
Cows will never make the police force because they simply refuse to go on steak-outs.
I'm going to start a business selling worms and Nintendo consoles
I'll call it "Bait and Switch."
What do ducks watch on TV?
Duck-umentaries.
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York.
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
What is serial killer Buffalo Bill's favorite fast food restaurant?
Chick Fillet.
What did the teenage crow want for his birthday? A brand new caw!
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
How does a crab go when it's right?
"Aw, snap!"
The tiger ran away from other tigers as they were rude to him. He didn't want to be involved in a catfight.
Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
Q. What do you get when you cross a doe with a bull?
A. A deery cow.
What soccer position does a pink flamingo play? Flamingoalie.
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