A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold fish.
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears.
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
Question: What is the oldest animal?
Answer: The Zebra, it's still in black and white!
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What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
Q: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
A: Then answer the phone!
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says
"No swimming without supervision."
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no-body to go with.
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are?
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?
My hand.
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?
She sent her a pee-mail.
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Q: What does a dentist do during an earthquake?
A: She braces herself!
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.