All our puns are here, and it's gonna get punny...

Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that’s draped in bacon. “A bacon tree ! We’re saved!” He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.
It wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
Why do your heart, liver and lungs all fit in your body?
Because they are well organized.
I accidentally mixed up the words 'Jacuzzi' and 'Yakuza' online.
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.
Where did the Terminator find extra olive oil??
Aisle B, back.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one free of charge.
Wife: why do dad's have the worst jokes?

Me: It's a rule, dads have to have cringy jokes

Wife: Who makes those rules?

Me: The Dad Poet Society

Wife: (Groan)
My dad didn’t love me as a child, but I don’t really blame him.
I wasn’t born until he was an adult.
When dad died he left me his Subaru.
It was his final Legacy.
KID :"DAD, make me a sandwich."
DAD :"Poof, you're now a sandwich."
I remember asking my dad repeatedly what the acronym LGBTQ meant.
I never got a straight answer.
"Dad, how do you cast spells?"
"You just follow the instructions."

"Which instructions?"

"Yeah, they're the ones."
Dad, are we pyromaniacs?
Yes, we arson.
I like telling dad jokes.
Sometimes he laughs.
I don't have a "Dad Bod"
I have a father figure.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry
Me: it’s a sacrifice to the dryer gods.
My dad: it’s a sockrifice.
How do you know when a joke becomes a dad joke
It'll become apparent.
Dad: Years ago I had the opportunity to meet R.E.M., and we even took a picture together with my buddies.
Son: Where are you in the photo?
Dad: That's me in the corner.
Was Just showing my dad my new living space. He asked “what’s upstairs?”
I Just responded with “dad, stairs don’t talk.”
My dad was the top clown at the circus, but unfortunately he passed away.
I guess I have some pretty big shoes to fill.
My dad was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
I have an uncle, once removed.
Dad: "Knock, knock!" Kid: "Who's there?"
Dad: Spell!

Kid: Spell who?

Dad: W... H... O...
I was named after my dad
Because I couldn’t possibly have been named before him.
I know tons of dad jokes! Here’s one
1.
My dad is going through heart failure, and the first text that I get from him after sending him a card says:
“No more corny jokes, now just corn-orary jokes.”
I had a great childhood, I remember my dad would put me in a tire & roll me down the hill all summer.
Those were Goodyears.
When do you know a joke is a dad joke?
When the punchline is a parent.
How can you tell your dad joke is a dad joke?
It’s fully groan.
My wife is fed up of my constant Dad jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?"
Wife: "Whatever means necessary!"

Me: "No it doesn't.”
A kid is pouring himself some milk. His dad walks into the room and asked, "what kind of milk is that?" Kid says, "Soy milk". Dad replies with,
"Hola milk, soy dad."
After watching me read “War and Peace”, my son asked me, “Dad, why is the book so thick?”
Me: Well, it’s a long story.