How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
You are aged to perfection.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
More candles means a bigger wish!
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
They say everything gets better with age.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!